


A Heart is a Heavy Burden

by Ayanami84



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Super Light Angst, Top Seo Youngho | Johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayanami84/pseuds/Ayanami84
Summary: Being an Idol is difficult, Johnny knows that. However, he has debuted in a huge project of a group and is surrounded by awesome kids he dares to call family. He is happy doing what he loves: music. He also loves being useful. He is a helper and Taeyong needs help.Lee Taeyong is nothing but kind, but he has to lead 17 other boys in this crazy endeavor. He has to be firm, he needs to be in charge. He hates that, but he tries to be a good leader. He is a perfectionist so he is always on edge. He wants to find something to unwind.They are friends, they are family. They lean on each other. Maybe, just maybe, they can be more.





	1. A day in the life

**Author's Note:**

> Hello NCTzens! Here I am posting my first NCT fic. I have NEVER written anything about real people before and I usually have completely different usernames for each fandom I publish... but... I guess I got tired of the things I was doing and Lee Taeyong just... i don't know... I had this story in my head and he kept popping up as a character. So, I do listen to NCT (all sub units, but NCT U in kind of my favorite), but I don't know a lot about each member... and as I said before, I have never written a real person fic, therefore...
> 
> I BENT REALITY TO FIT MY STORY, SO BEAR WITH ME!
> 
> I did my research, but I am an old lady with a bunch of responsibilities so I just went with the flow and changed a few things like roomates, dates, hair colors, order of comebacks... and maaaybe a few personalities (and that makes me feel less weird about writing rpf). That reminds me... I am going to try hard to post at least once a week and this isn't going to be a long fic. I already have the full thing sketched out, but it needs polishing. I may add new tags as I publish. There are some things I still don't know where to fit, like in here or in a different fic. Just a heads up, I tend to write smut with some dom/sub undertones, but I don't add any pain, dirty talk, daddy kinks, panties and others. Anyway... smuty things will come later, so be warned (as if the tag hasn't clued you in yet).
> 
> I tried my best to write a summary that made sense but didn't spoil anything... lol. That is hard, guys! And the title is just one of my favorite lines from Howl's Moving Castle (Yes, I chose it on purpose... I read a few Amino pages and stuff). There isn't much angst here though. Just a tiny bit. 
> 
> Oh! Another thing I think I must add: English is not my first language. That won't be much of a problem, most of the time... but maybe you will find some weird vocabulary or completly misused prepositions. Please, do point those out, it helps me improve.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the ride... hopefully.
> 
> EDIT: Before you read. I didnt make myself clear before... I am changing the natural order of things...Johnny is indeed older than Taeyong, not just 4 months, not same year. As I said...I bent reality to fit my story. Thank you for your comment Teradanielle and for pointing that out.

The blaring siren of the alarm clock echoed through Johnny’s ears and he muffled an annoyed groan into his pillow. Was it morning already? 

“God dammit, I just went to sleep”, Yuta grunted, echoing his own thoughts, two beds away from him. 

“Mark, turn the thing off”, Johnny said while pressing his pillow to his face, effectively cutting off air, but not the shrieking sound. 

“I’ll do it if you guys get up. We need to get going”, Mark said coming out of the bathroom, already dressed for the day ahead. Goddam him. He woke up before the loud thing went off and let it do its scandalous show just to annoy them. 

Mornings were never Johnny’s favorite. Waking up at ungodly hours to style his hair, put on make-up and go to work made everything even more difficult. Being an Idol was more hard work than he anticipated. Not that he thought it would be easy, by any means, he just felt that he wasn’t prepared for the amount of lip gloss, hair gel, pictures and more before 9 o´clock every day. At least he wasn’t alone in this and he was eternally grateful for debuting in such a monster project of a boy group. 

It has been almost a year since their debut. They have been incredibly busy, thank God for that. All sub units had at least one song topping the charts and the whole group felt accomplished. They still had a long way to go in terms of gaining popularity, but they were doing ok. More than ok. They were the lucky ones. All those crazy schedules, long hours at the studio and dance practice paid off and they have gotten closer. All of them... eighteen of them. Damn. A monster project indeed. 

“Fiiiine, I’ll get up”, he said finally giving up and throwing his pillow at the menacing object next to Mark’s bed in hopes it would topple over and stop blaring its freaking annoying sound. Nope, he missed it. The pillow ended up hitting Mark who was coming around to probably end their misery and turn the thing off. 

“Nice throw, hyung”, Mark chuckled, slamming the soft object on his head. “Now get up! Even Haechan is ready”. 

“Respect your elders, Mark”, he grunted forcing himself off the bed. 

“C’mon hyung. Let’s get ready for the jungle out there... it is going to be a long day”, Mark grimaced. 

These last few months they have all been bundled up together in one dorm, all of NCT under one roof, and things were... crazy, to say the least. He loved it! Blessed be the rotten pipes in the other dorm and SM’s need to fix stuff rather than finding a new place. He loved the chaos around him, especially when the dreamers were the ones responsible for it. It would usually end up in giggles and a disgruntled Taeyong... cute. The chaos thing, not Taeyong. Maybe Taeyong too, but... Can you say chaos is cute? 

“Here I go again, thinking weird stuff”, he said to himself while dragging his body to the bathroom. “It’s is too goddam early”, he said louder while crossing the room to which he got a muffled “Amen” from Yuta, still faceplanted at his own bed. 

He got a quick shower and got dressed. No need to fuss about his appearance now, he would be all dolled-up later by professionals. He swiftly dried his hair with a towel and left the room in his black V neck and jeans. The kitchen was a mess and he was pretty sure there was someone hanging from the lights. Doyoung, Ten and Jaemin were talking animatedly over a huge stack of pancakes, while Jisung was quietly stuffing his face. It seems no one is even thinking about dieting today, good. Other members were coming in and out, taking tea, food, water and whatever they need. Johnny needed coffee, black coffee. He needs something to kickstart his brain. While the current chaos was helpful, he wanted something stronger. 

“Here”, a hand appeared under his nose holding a mug of the delicious black liquid. He happily took it, following the outstretched arm with his eyes to see a disheveled Taeyong in dark jeans and a way-too-big-for-his-skinny-ass white tee. His red hair was sticking up everywhere. He was looking down at his phone, frowning in concentration. See? Cute chaos. Chaotically cute. 

“What the hell is the problem with me these days?”, he whispered. 

“What? Did you say something Youngho hyung?”, Taeyong asked momentarily shifting his eyes from his screen to Johnny’s face, flashing him a tired but genuine smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention, work things I swear”. Taeyong tended to call him by his Korean name. Funny how he was the only one in the group that did that. Everyone else seemed to prefer Johnny. Not that he cared either way. 

“I said thanks for the coffee”, Johnny lied. “How did you sleep?” 

“I didn’t”, Taeyong finally put his phone down. “I took a two-hour nap. I feel blessed for having that”, he sighed and closed his eyes leaning his hip on the kitchen counter. 

“Granpa, we need you healthy. Don’t do that”, Johnny may think it is funny to tease from time to time, but he meant it. Taeyong was the leader of this merry band of lunatics, huge job with lots of responsibilities. He didn’t want him getting sick because of that. It wasn’t fair. 

“It wasn’t my choice. Sleep just doesn’t come easily when I am stressed out”. He sighed again and opened his eyes, looking around the messy kitchen. “There are so many of them”, he grimaced. 

“Yeah, I know”, Johnny smiled leaning next to Taeyong on the counter, sipping his coffee. He looked around taking in the scene, just like the leader had just done. Yuta and Mark joined the heavy eaters at the table. Jeno and Chenle were now bickering over a box of cereal. Jungwoo was attacking the rice cooker like he needed rice to save his life while Lucas was just being loud. Johnny’s smile broadened. They weren’t all here and it was already like this. 

“I’m glad someone is having fun”, Taeyong groaned next to him. Johnny left out a wholehearted laugh and he turned around facing Taeyong’s annoyed pouty face. 

“C’mon, man. It isn’t that bad. This is fun. They are family. Our incredibly big and extremely loud family”. Yes, that is what they were now. It is impossible not to think that way when they breathe the same air for more than 12 hours a day, live together, sleep together. They fight, they laugh and they cry together. Definitely one big (and maybe dysfunctional) family. 

“You say that because you don’t have to clean up after them”, he said, but Johnny could see a small smile forming at the corner of his lips. 

“Neither do you, TY”, Taeil said picking up some coffee and joining them at the counter. “You do it because you can’t help yourself and that will ruin you”. He huffed when Taeyong hit him in the stomach and Johnny chuckled. “Don’t spill my coffee, Granpa”, Taeil said feigning annoyance. 

"Well, don’t provoke me William”, Taeyong huffed. 

Taeil rolled his eyes. “Johnny boy, did you hear that? He does not respect me as his elder. He reserves the hyung treatment to you only”. Johnny could have sworn he saw Taeyong blush before he turned around to proposedly step on Taeil’s foot and take off to break whatever scuffle had erupted from the table. 

“Our fearless leader is going to wear himself out”, Taeil drank his coffee in one gulp after recomposing himself. 

“We won’t let him”, Johnny said nonchalantly, putting down his coffee mug and turning around to start doing the dishes. 

Taeil smiled at him. “Yeah, you won’t. You will help. You always help”, he clapped Johnny’s shoulder and put down his now empty mug in the sink. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t. You may go around like you’re the fake maknae, but you don’t fool me, old man”. 

“No respect at all”, Taeil held his hand to his chest mockingly. “At least you call me hyung”, he added in a loud voice so that Taeyong could hear him. He heard him and turned around only to stick his tong out like a little kid and then smiled brightly when he successfully dodged a boiled egg that had flown in his direction, because apparently the other members had started some kind of food war. Johnny smiled at that display. Taeyong was probably still tired, but he seemed ok for now, less preoccupied, a bit more amused with the insanity surrounding them. 

“You’re staring”, Taeil snapped his fingers in front of his face, one questioning eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, well...”, he didn’t have any excuse. He had not noticed he was staring. Johnny just turned around and kept doing the dishes, mentally chastising his wondering mind. He was definitely weird lately. It must be the chaos around him. Taeil just huffed in response and walked out of the kitchen, avoiding being hit by some ball of paper covered in syrup. 

“Ok, breakfast is over. We have ten minutes till the cars arrive”, Taeyong shouted over the slight pandemonium. “Mark, Jaemin, help Youngho hyung clean up. Yuta, gather everyone at the living room. I still haven’t seen Kun, Renjun, Jaehyun and Sicheng”. His tone broke no arguments, he was being their leader now. The boys scrambled to do what they were told, Jeno shoving down a few more forkfuls of pancake before getting up and taking the dishes to the sink where Johnny was still doing the dishes, now aided by Mark and Jaemin. And just like that, Johnny was smiling to himself again. Yeah, he likes this, all of this.


	2. Ins and Outs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short one for two reasons: (1) work is crazy but I wanted to post something today; (2) establishing Taeyong's point of view is important, I guess.

“Ok guys, today we still have a packed schedule”, one of their managers was saying, better, screaming from the front seat of the van. They had spent the whole morning in a photoshoot, quite literally inhaled their lunch and now were heading to an interview for a cable show. It was going to be one of those eccentric shows, in a completely unexpected location. They had to head out of Seoul and it was going to take a while. “Let’s try not to fall too much behind, ok?” 

Easy for him to say, Taeyong thought. He isn’t the one in charge of that, Taeyong is. Somehow, he ended up here, hoarding 17 young men around. It is usually not this packed when they work around their sub units, but SM apparently stands for sadomasochism and they are promoting together. All of them. It is hard enough that they are now living under the same roof, having to be all together for work has been challenging. 

Taeyong shook his head. No, he is being ungrateful. These are his members, his friends. They are loud, but he loves them. Ten months in and he can say he is quite happy with how things have turned out. They have had quite successful debuts, not many groups can say the same. Yes, there is pressure and yes, he has a lot of responsibilities, but Youngho is right. They are a family. He glances back at said person, laughing and joking around with Yuta and Mark. Taeyong smiles. He knows he shouldn’t feel the burden of the whole group. Youngho hyung helps, he reminds himself... a lot. Just by being there. He teases, crack jokes all the time and hates getting up early, but Taeyong doesn’t need to ask him for anything. He just knows what to do. Just like this morning, when he willingly started doing the dishes. Nobody asked him, but he knew he had to. 

A sudden ruffle of clothes brought Taeyong back from his reverie. Johnny has moved seats, jumping next to him, almost seating on a sleeping Taeil. He was smiling broadly. He is so handsome when he smiles like that, Taeyong thought. Wait, what? 

“What’s up granpa?”, Johnny interrupted his line of thought. “You were looking at me like I had eaten all your cookies” 

Taeyong huffed. “I wasn’t looking at you, I was just lost in thought”, half-truths. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

“Our comeback. Crazy schedules. Sleepless nights... you know, the usual”, Taeyong shrugged. 

“Man, you gotta lighten up a bit. You’re gonna go crazy like that” 

“Maybe after the day is over”, he chanced a smile. Johnny didn’t buy it. 

“Hey, I’m serious”, Johnny said, putting his arms around Taeyong’s shoulders. He started massaging his neck. “We are a merry band of lunatics, but a happy, well-fed and kind of functional merry band of lunatics. You don’t have to take care of us all the time. Don’t be a mother hen, it is tiring”. 

Taeyong chuckled. They should change their group name to MBL. It made much more sense than Neo Culture Technology... really? NCT sounds cool, but giving the full meaning of the band’s name always made him internally cringe. He was always the one trying to explain it, even if he didn’t understand it himself. He didn’t want the others to be embarrassed or anything like that if they couldn’t remember the weird explanations that were given to them when the name was coined to supposedly represent their concept. Maybe Youngho is right and he is putting too much effort into being a mother hen. He thinks he can’t help it. They made him the leader, their managers give him a bunch of tasks and tell him he is responsible for everybody. What is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to think? Lucas howled behind him and the whole van burst into laughter, interrupting his line of thought. 

“I don’t even want to know why, what or how”, he huffed and rested his head on the car seat, looking at Johnny. His neck was still being massaged. It felt good. Taeyong likes this, he feels comfortable. Skinship wasn’t something he reserved for broadcasting. It really made him feel good, like he had a nice bond with his members. Youngho hyung probably knows that, he thought. 

“Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, give me back my gummy bears” Lucas was practically screaming. 

“That is Ten hyung for you and these were mine to begin with”, Ten said laughing. 

“Taeyong hyung, do something. Ten hyung is being a meanie”, Lucas was shaking his shoulders disturbing the relaxing moment he was having. Taeyong shut his eyes and sighed heavily. Too many of them... and sometimes they act like children. 

“Yo little kid, I have some here. If I give it to you will you go back to acting your age and let me fucking sleep?”, Taeil said from behind Johnny, annoyance clear in his voice. 

“Sure thing”, Lucas grabbed the package and went back to his conversation with Jungwoo, or whatever it was they were doing before. Ten jumped back a seat, taking Johnny’s former place next to Yuta and Mark had fallen asleep. 

“Imagine if we had a bus instead of a couple of vans”, Johnny said. 

Taeyong groaned, keeping his eyes closed. “Please, don’t ever mention that out loud in front of any manager, producer or anyone that has any saying in how we go around promoting. Please”. He blindly searched for Johnny’s hand and put it back behind his neck. He felt him stiffen and cracked one eye open to chance looking at him. Johnny had one eyebrow raised in question, his expression was one of amusement. At least he thinks it is funny, Taeyong thought. He just closed his eyes again and rested his head on Johnny’s shoulder without saying anything, expecting the older to get with the program. Johnny chuckled and started moving his fingers again. 

Taeyong was too tired to be embarrassed about his own actions. It felt good to be in that position, it was relaxing. All the noise in the van became muffled as he focused on the sensation. He let his mind wander, he felt safe and warm leaning on Johnny. And just like that, he fell asleep.


	3. Care package

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for all the kudos.
> 
> Just a friendly reminder: this fic is tagged Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence. I really mean it.
> 
> Bending reality one chapter at a time.

“Let’s take five, for goodness sake”, Taeyong said laying himself down on the practice room floor.

“This is like our third break, hyung”, Ten laughed.

“He has absolutely no stamina.... an old man”, Taeil joked.

It had been an uneventful week. Kinda, Johnny thought to himself. They just have been practicing non-stop for four days now. New song, new choreography... new format. They are all going to perform together and dance practice has been hectic. This is something they will be debuting in a few months still, but the company thought they had to start now because of the scheduled activities with subunits during that time. They need to at least get the choreo down so that they just have to adjust it when it is time to actually perform it live.

“C’mon, it’s been an hour since I last called for a break and we’ve been at it since lunch”, Taeyong was pouting, eyes closed, his arms and legs opened wide on the floor.

“Sure, hyung, we can all use a break”, Jisung sat cross-legged beside him. “Also... I’m hungry”

“What time is it?”, Johnny asked Mark.

“I think it is past five, let me check”, the younger boy went over to his backpack piled with everyone’s stuff in the corner. “Oh man, no wonder our baby Jwi is hungry, it is past seven”.

“Let’s eat”, Lucas yelled from across the room. A cacophony of voices echoed this sentiment.

“Should we just call it a day, Taeyongie?”, Johnny whispered to Taeyong, sitting next to his head on the floor. He looked like he had fallen asleep, eyes still closed, body completely relaxed. Johnny pinched his cheeks when he didn’t immediately answer. “Hey, wake up”

“Oooouch. I wasn’t sleeping, I was thinking”, Taeyong said, massaging where his face had been abused. “We still have three hours to go, we can’t just leave now”. He let out a heavy sigh. It seemed to Johnny that he didn’t want to keep doing it and he didn’t think anyone else would disagree to going back to the dorms now, but Taeyong probably got instructions to keep them practicing till ten. When they had to learn choreography, they were usually left alone for the first week, a manger or two checking up on them every hour or so. They worked well like that, under Taeyong’s scrutiny. And now that they were practicing together, all eighteen of them, it was basically necessary as the room was already crowded with just the members and the whole equipment.

“Food, then?” Johnny asked, moving Taeyong’s sweaty hair from his face with the tip of his fingers.

Taeyoung moved and Johnny thought he was going to get up, but he just adjusted his body closer to Johnny and laid his head on his lap. Next to them, he heard Jisung chuckle, get up and move away.

“Lucas, get some of the boys and go find someone who can get us something to eat. The rest of you can just take 10 or 15 minutes. We freaking need it”, he said loud enough so the others could hear him from across the room, closing his eyes again.

Lucas, Mark, Jeno and Jaehyun left in a hurry. Guess Jisung isn’t the only one hungry, Johnny thought. He scanned the room. They were all looking the worse for wear, they really needed this break, though Ten and Jisung had their batteries changed somehow because they were going over the choreography by themselves in front of the mirror. He looked down to find Taeyong staring at him, his dark brown eyes searching his face. Damn, he is beautiful.

“What’s up?”, he smiled at the other, letting whatever thoughts were forming in his head die down.

“Why did you stop?”, Taeyong asked.

“Stop what?” Had he been doing something?

Unceremoniously Taeyong took his hand and put it on his hair and held Johnny’s right knee like a pillow. “Keep at it, Youngho”.

Johnny was a bit baffled for a second. “What happened to hyung?”, he asked resting his hand in Taeyong’s cheek, not sure what he was supposed to keep doing.

“I’ll put it back there once you start patting my head again”.

Patting? Oh well, ok. That could be done. Johnny started running his finger through Taeyong’s hair. Not patting per se, just better. The younger one sighed happily, a smile forming at the corner of his pretty lips. Johnny didn’t mind it, but it was interesting how Taeyong could be so forward sometimes. Keeping his eyes closed, Taeyong just took Johnny’s free hand in his and rested both over his chest. Johnny could feel his steady heart beat and the rise and fall of his breathing and he was thankful it wasn’t his chest they were touching, because his heart was skipping beats for some reason.

“So, should I tell the others to leave the room?”, when Johnny looked up he could see Taeil and Yuta standing by Taeyong’s feet. Yuta, who had just asked the question, was smirking and Taeil had one eyebrow quirked in question. Johnny just rolled his eyes and kept his hand combing Taeyong’s hair unperturbed.

“No, you can all stay and watch. Voyeurism is a thing”, he heard Taeil laugh and Yuta said some swear word under his breath. Taeyong opened his eyes and stared at him again. He was definitely blushing, but smiling. Johnny smiled back, moving to caress his cheeks. Taeyong tightened the grip on the hand over his chest slightly and Johnny could feel the other’s heart pick up the pace, but he kept staring at Johnny.

Yuta cleared his throat. “Seriously, get a room”, he looked grumpy. Johnny broke eye contact with Taeyong to say something to Yuta and in that brief moment the boy got up quickly and headed for the door.

“I’m gonna find Lucas and the others… be right back”, Taeyong said over his shoulders, rushing out of the room.

“Well, that was weird”, Yuta said. Taeil still had that questioning look, but kept silent.

“Why?” Johnny couldn’t see anything weird. They were all like this from time to time. Jaehyun was always going around hugging people, especially Doyoung, and Yuta can’t say a thing because he rarely leaves Sicheng alone.

“You two will make the impossible happen someday and make me uncomfortable”, Yuta said.

“Why the fuck would you be uncomfortable?”, Johnny tried not to, but he was a getting a bit upset.

“Hey, hey…hey! Joking, man… like, really!”, Yuta held his hands up. “Sorry. You don’t have to be upset. I didn’t mean anything by it”.

Johnny huffed, but didn’t say anything. He just nodded and tapped the empty spaces next to him on the floor so that the others would sit with him. Both Taeil and Yuta sat down, the later patting Johnny on the shoulders as to reaffirm his apologies. Johnny pushed his legs up and hugged his knees. Why would he get upset? That was something he filed for later.

“He has been coming to you a lot lately”, Taeil spoke for the first time. He wasn’t looking at Johnny, but at the door Taeyong had left through a minute ago.

“What do you mean?”

“We all know what he is like when he is a bit stressed out… he gets… needy”, Yuta said mimicking Johnny’s position.

“Well, we all have our ways to calm ourselves down. Taeyong just needs human contact sometimes”

“How do you know that?”, Taeil was looking at him now.

“I… I don’t know. I just do. I’ve noticed things”, Johnny trailed off. He did notice how Taeyong relaxed when he was in close contact with someone he cared about. It didn’t seem to be something planned for the lives they had, although it was a little heightened during those times, maybe because of the stress he felt. And those kinds of exchange between them? It has been a common occurrence for the past two weeks, mainly since that day in the van. “When he seems tired or overwhelmed he just… he needs it”, he tried to answer Taeil, but that was the extent to which he thought things through. He just saw an opportunity to help his friend.

Taeil was looking at him in silence. After a few moments have passed, he smiled. “You’re good, Johnny boy. You’re a good friend”.

“You don’t have to explain things, man”, Yuta was looking at the floor. “I wasn’t saying anything for real”

Now it was Johnny’s turn to apologize, so he just patted Yuta’s shoulders and smiled. They haven’t even started to argue and he was feeling like he wronged him somehow. That’s how good of a friend Yuta is, Johnny thought.

Lucas and the others came back carrying plastic bags full of sandwiches and drinks. The whole room exploded in cheers as they passed the goods around. Mark handed Johnny a meat sub and some juice and sat next to him. Johnny looked around and noticed that someone was missing.

“Mark, where is Taeyong? He went out to look for you guys”

“He stayed behind because manager-nim wanted to talk to him. He will be back shortly”

It took some time. When all the fuss over dinner had died down and they were cleaning up, Taeyong came back. He didn’t look happy. Johnny immediately got up and went to him.

“What’s up Taeyongie? What happened?”

“We have a new schedule for promotions. They added a lot of stuff. And we will have to attend a freaking KBC dinner party”. Taeyong was never fond of these pompous get-togethers. Truthfully, no idol was. A bunch of TV executives parading famous people around to entertain their guests. They usually didn’t have to participate, they were lucky. Actors were the ones taking the brunt of it. However, from time to time, they couldn’t escape.

“All of us?” Doyoung asked, joining their conversation. He didn’t look pleased with the possibility.

“No, just five of us. They are taking a few members of EXO as well”.

“When is it?”, Johnny didn’t like how Taeyong’s humor has shifted.

“Next month. They told us now so we could take time to decide who is going”.

“Well, some of us may want to go. You don’t have to”. Wishful thinking. If Taeyong was this upset about it, they had told him he had to go, Johnny knew that much.

“Younhgo hyung, I have to go. They told me that”. Well there it was.

Johnny put his hand on Taeyong’s shoulder. The boy was tense. “Then I’ll go with you. We just need three more souls to sacrifice”. Taeyong laughed at that. He sighed and looked around. Only Doyoung and Johnny heard the conversation. “Group meeting, old man?”, Johnny asked.

“Yeah, we better. Gather everyone after cleaning up. Our new schedule involves a few changes in venues for signings and new variety shows. We are going on Idol Room. We film next Wednesday”.

So much for uneventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whose idea it was to name every chapter? lol
> 
> Also... if you have the feeling that finally the story is happening... well you're right ;)


	4. Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Nothing to say... just enjoy.
> 
> Ps. naming chapters is hard.

Weekends usually meant nothing for Idols. Music shows, concerts and occasional guest appearance at live variety shows were always part of the schedule. For the first time in months, however, they were going to have a free Sunday. Nothing to worry about, except trying to guess what activities will be in the script for Idol Room and deciding who was going to take part at the dreaded dinner party. They have been postponing it for days.

Taeyong had felt like a huge weight was put on his shoulders as they told him to decide who was going. He didn’t want to do it. He had talked to all members that day in the practice room, but they had not settled on who was going to suffer through it. He didn’t want the youngest members to be there, but he also felt sorry for the eldest. Youngho had thankfully offered himself as sacrifice, as he himself would put it and Taeyong was glad he did. Not because he wanted the other to experience that insufferable party, but because he very much enjoyed his company and it made the prospect of parading in front of rich old people a little bit more bearable. Lately he felt like they have gotten closer, Youngho always around to help and support him. Taeyong felt different, like someone was taking care of him. He liked the feeling. He liked Youngho.

Their activities ended earlier than usual for a Saturday night. They had prerecorded their performance for both music shows that weekend and wouldn’t be there to hear the announcements of winners. It was a much needed break and he knew the others wanted it as bad as he did.

“Movie night?”, Jaehyun asked loud enough for everyone to hear as they got to SM’s parking lot. “We haven’t had one in ages”.

“I was looking forward to finishing that book I’ve been reading, actually”, Jeno said, throwing his bag inside the first van.

“NERD!”, Lucas screamed from the other side of the vehicle.

“We can decide it when we get back to the dorm guys”, Taeyong said jumping into the van after Yuta and Taeil. He didn’t take a seat until Johnny got in. He wanted to be next to him. He got used to it and now didn’t want to change the arrangement. Johnny sat down and laughed at Taeyong when he scurried to the seat next to him, blocking Mark. Taeyong just shrugged. There were other places where he could sit. Mark winked at them both and just moved to the next row. Taeyong felt his cheeks getting warmer. Another thing he has been doing lately.

“Do you want to have a movie night?”, Johnny asked putting his arms around Taeyong’s shoulders, bringing him closer. Best thing about whatever dynamics they had now was that they both seemed to just go with it, Taeyong thought.

“I want to have dinner, put my feet up and rest. If there is going to be a movie on or not... I don’t mind either way”, he rested his head on Johnny’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“So domestic, Taeyongie”, Johnny chuckled

Taeyong shrugged. Yes, maybe it was a bit so, but they have a frenetic lifestyle. That domesticity should be cherished. “Well, I wanna cook something today. Can’t get any more domestic than that”.

“No one is gonna argue with you. I think there will be a great celebration”, Johnny looked behind his shoulders, “Well, maybe Yuta will argue if you try to make any Japanese dish again”, he whispered.

“Hey! I mastered those!”

“Yeah, I know. That's why he would be upset”, Johnny laughed.

The ride to the dorm didn’t take more than thirty minutes.  It was a flurry of limbs getting out of the van, most members trying to outrun each other to get to the bathrooms first. Eighteen guys, four bathrooms, easy math: not enough. Taeyong had long resigned himself to being the last one, so he stayed behind to talk to the managers. He needed groceries, not just because he suddenly felt the need to cook, but because they were out of many of the basics. He saw Youngho waiting for him near the porch. He gave their managers a short list, adding a few fresh vegetables to it. He offered to go himself, but they said no, as usual.  They never thought it was ok for them to just go shopping. He honestly didn’t see any reasons why he shouldn’t, they were not that well-known... and most of their fan base doesn’t just hang around grocery stores. But that was how things were and he rather have the ingredients by sometime tonight than pick a fight.

“You’re going to cook!”, Taeil clapped his hands next to him, startling Taeyong. He hadn’t seen that the eldest stayed behind.

“Hyung! I didn’t see you there!”, he said hand over his chest. “Yes, I was thinking about it”.

“Humm... can’t hardly wait!”, he said tapping his stomach. He walked next to Taeyong, getting back to the house. “Do you need help?”

“Sure, but groceries are not gonna be here anytime soon”.

“We should have gone with them to help”, Johnny said now that they were within earshot.

Taeil shrugged. “He did offer. I heard him”.

“Yeah. They would never let us loose in a grocery store. Imagine the scandal”, Johnny said, laughing. He gestured to the door. “C’mon. I’ll help get things ready”.

Taeil and Youngho helped around the kitchen while the rest of the boys got ready for dinner.  When the groceries got there, Taeyong started on his recipe of japchae while the other too went to take a bath. He enjoyed cooking, it was relaxing. Even when the youngest members were taking turns disturbing his process, eating things before they were ready, he still found it soothing. The commotion around the house started dying down once most boys were ready for dinner. Doyoung, Mark and Jeno were setting the table while Jungwoo just stood there, near the counter, watching Taeyong like he usually did. Every time he offered help, Taeyong would give him something to do and he would stall until Taeyong took it from him to do it himself. Taeyong felt relaxed, totally distracted by the routine.

“Is it ready? I’m hungry”, Jungwoo asked from his perch.

“Almost”.

“It smells good Taeyongie”, Johnny said from behind him, catching him by surprise, his breath tickling Taeyong’s neck. He was very close, looking over Taeyong’s shoulder into the wok in front of him. He put his hand on the small of Taeyong’s back and absently started drawing circles over his t-shirt. Taeyong felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach. “Is it too complicated for me to finish? You should go take a shower”.

Hands a bit shaky (for absolutely no reason, Taeyong thought) he rested the wooden spoon he had been using to stir fry the vegetables in the sink. He must be hungry. “Hum... no... just. Hum... the noodles”. Taeyong mumbled, stepping aside. He looked at Younho. His dark hair still wet, wearing a black tee and jeans. He was so handsome. What in the world is happening now? I’m hungry, I’m tired. Taeyong thought. “You can do that... not complicated”.

“Do what? Noodles?”

“No, they are ready, just mix the... the humm.. The...hum”

“Vegetables?”, Johnny was a bit amused by his tong-tied friend. Taeyong felt his goddam cheeks warm again. “You ok, old man?”

“Yes, shower”. He took the wooden spoon and handed it to Johnny, turning away from the stove. “Please don’t burn anything”, he said over his shoulders as he left kitchen.

 

***

 

Dinner was great. Johnny managed not to burn anything while Taeyong was away, mainly because Yuta stepped in. It was loud, all of them scattered in the living room because the table didn’t have seats for them all. Taeil made them wait for Taeyong to get back to start eating, something Johnny for sure approved. They ate and talked for an hour straight, before Taeyong moved them to put away leftovers so that they could talk business.

“Ok, we have to decide a few things today, guys”, Taeyong started. “First we need to talk about what you all expect from Idol Room. We have never been all together in a variety show before. We don’t know how much they are going to film and how much they are going to cut. I want you all to have a fair chance of screen time”

“Did they send a script or something?”, Doyoung asked.

“Not really. They gave us a few cards do fill in. Some information about each member, special talents, the usual”.

“So, we don’t know what kind of activities they will throw our way?”, Jaehyun intervened.

“No. We just know about the close-up camera and it is some random thing, but we can guess what kind of things they are going to ask us to do and try to prepare accordingly”

They discussed for some time on how each member should prepare for whatever was going to happen at the show. They wanted them not to cut anybody out. Johnny was quiet the whole time. He didn’t really enjoy doing stuff for camera. At least not on variety shows. He was less eager to impress the hosts and wasn’t good at hiding his displeasure when some kind of “challenge” was a bit more demeaning than he thought could be acceptable and that usually meant any footage of him would be cut to a minimum.

He heard the others discuss their plans with mild interest. He was sitting between Jisung and Mark on the couch, comfortably sipping his tea. Most of the time he was observing Taeyong. He was sitting legs crossed on the floor, taking notes on anything important or interesting his members were suggesting. His red hair was a mess, bangs falling over his eyes. Johnny smiled at that. He liked Taeyong’s messy hair. Styled he would look fierce, but like this he was more like his Taeyong, gentle-looking and warm.

Johnny shifted uncomfortably on the couch. His Taeyong, now? Well, that was new. He got used to fleeting thoughts of how handsome the other was, but now his brain decided to escalate things. Not to mention how much he enjoyed seeing Taeyong blush. That totally took him by surprise a few days ago and again tonight. Johnny didn’t dwell much on things, it wasn’t his style, but this was intriguing, to say the least, because he wasn’t sure how much of it was just teasing. If that wasn’t something to make you stop and think, he didn’t know what was.

“Ok. I think we have enough. We can talk more about rehearsing choreography for those random play dance events later, if that’s even a thing”, Taeyong said, flipping his notebook closed. His demeanor changed a bit. “So, hum... we still have one thing to discuss before we can consider ourselves off the clock. KBS event”.

There was a collective groan. They all knew this was coming. None of them wanted to talk about the dinner party, because nobody wanted to go. Johnny had already agreed to be there because Taeyong had to go, but he knew that it didn’t mean the leader was less stressed about it. He still needed three more. Three more to be drained by those corporate vampires.

“I know, I know. It sucks”, Taeyong was running his hand through his hair, making it stick out even more. “We still need three people. Younho hyung and I are going. But if you guys don’t volunteer, I have to decide who goes. That will suck even more”.

“We could just play rock paper scissors and get this over with”, Yuta grunted.  

“That’s not fair, I always lose at that!”, Sicheng said.

“Well, then just volunteer”, Lucas suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You do it”, Yuta threw a pillow at Lucas face.

Well, that was going exactly like he thought it would, Johnny thought. He saw, more than heard, Taeyong sigh heavily amidst all the noises the members were making as he started gathering glasses and other things that were lying there around him. He did it purposely slowly, giving the others time to quiet down, Johnny knew that. However, the chaos kept on going. He got up and looked around. He sighed again.

“Ok, listen up”, he started loud enough to quiet the room a bit. “Yuta, Doyoung and Ten are going. I’ll message management to let them know and not schedule anything around that time for us five”, and with that he just walked out of the living room, balancing their glasses and mugs.

“Wait, what? I was quiet! Why am I being punished?”, Doyoung complained.

“He gave us a chance... and now he did what he had to do”, Taeil said stretching. “Now, did someone mention movie night before?”

“You’re saying that because he didn’t choose you”, Yuta pouted. “Yo, Johnny. Cat bit your tongue? You haven’t said a word in over an hour”.

“You all talk enough for me most of the time”, Johnny said, getting up from the sofa. He looked at Taeil who just nodded at him and turned to smack Yuta with a pillow. “You go ahead and start the movie, I’ll see if he needs anything”, and he made his way to the kitchen, leaving the others to bicker about their leader’s decisions and what movie to watch.

When Johnny opened the door, Taeyong was calmly doing the dishes in a half darkened kitchen. He didn’t turn around to see who was coming in. Johnny leaned on the counter next to him. “Need help?”

“No, it is ok”, Taeyong smiled, but didn’t look at him or stopped what he was doing.

“Leading is hard, I don’t envy you”, he started drying the dishes that had been washed earlier.

“You don’t have to do that”, Taeyong was looking at him now.

“Do what? Help? Well, I ate, I didn’t do the dishes… this is nothing, really”, he smiled.

Taeyong stared at him for a moment. “Thanks”, he murmured.

They both stayed in silence for a while, both working on finishing cleaning and organizing the kitchen. Johnny opened the cupboard to put away the mugs they have washed. “Well, you wanted domesticity… this is as far as it goes”, he said laughing while closing the cabinet door. Taeyong was now leaning against the kitchen counter, fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. He was starring at the door, seemingly lost in thought.

Johnny walked over and leaned on the counter, mimicking his position, arms crossed over his chest. He kept silent, he would just try cracking jokes now because he didn’t know what else to say. Taeyong shifted a bit closer so that their hips were touching and laid his head on Johnny’s shoulder.

“Sometimes I wonder why they chose me. I don’t really like making decisions”, he sighed.

“It is comfortable not to do so”, Johnny rested his hand around Taeyong’s small waist. “Can’t say why they chose you, but I think you are doing a good job”.

Taeyong huffed. “Sure, ‘cause I handle pressure so well and I am totally comfortable with ordering people around”. He turned in Johnny’s arms and buried his face in his neck. Johnny tightened his hold on his waist. This is unexpected. Not quite part of their comforting routine.

“You didn’t order anyone around. You made a decision. They were not cooperating at all”, Johnny said trying to ignore the fact that his heart skipped a beat when Taeyong nuzzled his neck.

“You smell so good”, Johnny barely heard him it wasn’t even a whisper. Johnny started combing through Taeyong’s messy hair with his free hand. His other hand was caressing his back, venturing under his t-shirt, playing with the waist of his sweats. He didn’t want to say anything, he was afraid his voice wouldn’t come out. This should be odd yet he felt quite at home, holding the younger one like this.

Taeyong moved, changing position again. He was now between Johnny’s legs, both hands on Johnny’s hips, head bowed down and eyes closed. Johnny took his face in his palms and gently lifted it. “Hey, look at me”, he whispered. Taeyong opened his big brown eyes, face flushed. Johnny ran his thumb over Tayong’s plush lips. “You are doing a good job, trust me”. He felt his heart beating faster. Taeyong nodded tightening his grip on Johnny’s waist, one of Johnny’s hands sliding down to his neck, caressing the exposed skin there, the air around them thick with something they couldn’t describe.

A loud crash coming from the living room brought them back. Taeyong took a few steps back, looking everywhere but at Johnny. “I…hum…I have to see what they manage to break this time”. He took a deep breath and l swung the door open, leaving the kitchen.

Johnny was left alone in the penumbra. He didn’t move, just stared at his hands marveled by the tingling sensations still going through his body. He stared back at the closed door.

“Well, fuck”.


	5. Through the motions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always remember the Canon Divergence thingy!

Sunday morning the house was quieter than usual. There was none of the buzzing morning conversation and usual noises a group of eighteen young men do while getting ready for their busy schedule. Since they have their first day off in months, most of them had decided that the best thing they could do was simply sleep.

Taeyong was alone in the living room, sipping his coffee with very little enthusiasm. Sleep had eluded him all night as he tossed and turned thinking of variety shows, reluctant leadership, Youngho´s delicious smell, Youngho’s beautiful smiling eyes, Youngho´s luscious lips. Fucking shit. How did this happen? This was almost all he could think about. Last night he felt something… different, like he wanted, no, needed to be closer. There were so many things going through his head and then Youngho touched his lips caressed them, and he looked so incredibly sexy…

“Fucking shit, Taeyong”, he whispered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. He crossed his legs on the sofa, pushing his oversized sweater down a bit. Maybe he should go back to his room and put on some pants. He absently started picking on loose wool. “I am a fucking dumbass”, he said to the empty room. He was attracted to his hyung, that much was clear, no use in denying it. Not to himself. This could potentially be the worst thing that has happened to him. It was his fault really, with his stupid need for contact, to be reassured, to have people care for him the way Youngho has always done. He felt a bit pathetic. Why would he feel this way when he was close with all his members? He has held Taeil’s hands more than once, he hugged Jisung and Mark plenty of times. Skinship wasn’t new to him. So why?

The sound of keys right outside the front door startled him a bit. He looked at his phone. It was half past seven in the morning. It wouldn´t be any of their managers, everyone else was still sleeping. The door opened and Johnny got in, hair damp with sweat, holding his running shoes with one hand and drying himself with his t-shirt in his other hand… Taeyong tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. This isn´t helping him at all. Shirtless. He was shirtless in the middle of Taeyong´s existential crisis. Great. Johnny neatly arranged his shoes with all the others near the door and finally looked up. He yelped when he saw Taeyong, clutching his chest. His naked chest. His toned, beautiful naked upper torso all exposed. Taeyong wanted to die.

“Shit man, I didn't see you there”, he laughed moving closer to where Taeyong was sitting on the sofa, “I thought everyone was still asleep”. He sat on the floor near Taeyong, cross-legged, smiling at him. “Good morning”. Taeyong was tong tied. He held his coffee mug with both hands, like he was trying to crush it. He was so hopeless… and pantless. He was still half naked. He pulled his sweater down a bit more. Worst thing that had happened to him indeed. Youngho wasn´t a fan of waking up early. Of course he had to today, of course. Johnny lifted an eyebrow at him when he didn´t say anything. “Taeyongie, you ok?”

“Yeah. Morning. Couldn't sleep”, he forced the words out, intently staring at his empty mug now.

“Me neither. Gave up at around six and went running”, he scratched his chest yawning. Taeyong eyes followed the movement, he couldn't help it.

“Why didn't you sleep? Are you feeling ok?”, Taeyong asked, trying to focus at Johnny´s face, making conversation to distract himself from any unwanted thoughts.

Johnny faintly smiled at him. “I was… hum… overthinking things”.

“You? Really? Mr. Chill guy?”, Taeyong smiled.

“Yeah…”, Johnny trailed off. He was looking over Taeyong's shoulder, a distant look on his face. “It is something new for me too”. He ran his hands through his hair, staring now at the floor, expression serious. His shoulders were a bit slumped, Taeyong noticed. Something was really bothering him. Johnny sighed, seemingly both lost and exasperated. Taeyong´s heart squeezed a little. Youngho is the confident one in the group, calm and put together. He was never the one sighing his feelings away. That was Taeyong’s thing.

“Did something happen? You seemed ok yesterday”, he asked resting his empty mug on the side table. He moved to sit across from Johnny on the floor, mimicking his position. Taeyong may have new feelings running under his skin, but he would push everything aside to help his friend, goddamn it. Youngho didn´t look like himself right now, he wanted to help. He can do this. Of course he can. He took one of Johnny´s hand in his.

Johnny’s eyes moved from the floor to their hands, then to Taeyong’s face making his heart pick up the pace, against all Taeyong´s efforts to keep his cool. “Yesterday… yeah…”, he trailed off again. Their eyes met. Johnny´s flashed with something he couldn’t decipher, stare turning a bit too intense and holding Taeyong hostage. His heart was somersaulting in his chest.

“Wanna talk?”, he braved.

“Maybe I do, but I am trying hard to talk myself out of it”. He closed his eyes then, intertwining their fingers, thumb caressing Taeyong's hand. He sighed again, resigned with whatever was going through his head. Taeyong didn’t like that. He wanted to be able to help him the way he helped everyone else. He squeezed Youngho’s hands. Johnny opened his eyes and stared at Taeyong, smiling eyes crinkling at the corners, a much softer expression.

“You know I'm here if you need me, right?”, Taeyong held both of his hands now, equally trying to ground himself and reassure his friend. Johnny didn´t say anything back, but his smile broadened beautifully. Taeyong couldn't help but smile back.

“What are you guys doing on the floor?” They both turned to look at the bottom of the stairs where Yuta was sleepingly scratching his stomach.

“Talking”, Taeyong said getting up. Johnny did the same.

“Sure”, Yuta said between yawns. “I'm hungry”.

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “I'll make some breakfast”.

Yuta waved him off. “Nah. I can make it today. Go on… keep on talking or whatever”, he yawned his way to the kitchen. Johnny laughed. Taeyong turned back at him, smiling too.

“Sunday miracles”, Taeyong said.

Johnny smiled at him. For a moment it felt like he wanted to say something. He just shook his head, stepped closer and held Taeyong´s waist, kissing his forehead. “Thank you for being you, Tae”. Taeyong closed his eyes at the warm feeling spreading through his chest. He leaned into the gentle touch, wanting but not daring to hold him closer, to keep him there. Johnny stepped back. “I'm gonna hit the shower before the whole gang wakes up”, he ran upstairs two steps at a time.

Taeyong hugged himself at a loss. He couldn’t do it. Worst thing that had happened to him indeed.

 

***

“You’re coming down for dinner?”, Mark asked through the bathroom door.

“Yeah. Go ahead, I’ll be there in five”. He didn’t want to, though. It had been a roller coaster of emotions this Sunday. He slept poorly because he spent most of his night trying to figure out how he let things get out of hand and allowed himself to feel anything but brotherly love for one of his teammates. This morning when he left to try and literally run things out, he was angry at himself. After a few laps, he had felt marginally better, but then he had to come back and see Taeyong sitting on the couch, looking like sin in that goddamn sweater.

Johnny looked at himself in the mirror, an exasperated sigh escaping his pursed lips. He had been avoiding Taeyong for hours. If he wasn’t happy the house was full and chaotic before, he would be now, as it has made it much easier to smoothly find other places to be and other people to talk to. However, every now and then he found himself looking at Taeyong, he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t resist him and his big doe eyes which earlier were begging to let him help Johnny, while the only thing going through his mind was how much he wanted to kiss Taeyong. Yeah, so much for brotherly anything.

He took a deep breath and went downstairs where baseballs were flying, men were running around like children and the noise of laughter and conversation would once again muffle his thoughts. Jisung, Ten and Doyoung were sitting at the bottom of the stairs talking animatedly. Lucas, Haechan and Jaemin were throwing a baseball around the room, while Jeno was on the couch reading a book and Sicheng and Chenle were playing something on their phones. He could hear people talking in the kitchen. They were everywhere. Johnny made a beeline for the window seat, which was still empty. It was arguably the best seat of the house, full view of the bedlam or the street to observe if he wanted to forget things, but angled just the right way so he would be hidden from most people on the living room.

Mark stepped out of the kitchen looking around. He spotted Johnny perched near the window. “Hyung, how do you feel about green garlic?”

“They never did anything against me. I feel ok? Mildly interested?”, his dongsaeng rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen.

“He said he eats anything”, he heard Mark say before the door closed again.

“It is a good thing you aren’t a picky eater”, Taeyong said startling him. He was sitting on the floor, back to the wall, looking at his phone. He had not seen him before he spoke.

“I thought you were cooking”

“Yuta is… and Taeil, Mark, Renjun…”, he scrunched his nose. “Kitchen was too crowded”.

“You let them cook? Am I going to be poisoned?”, Johnny clutched his chest feigning apprehension.

“It is just ramen. They know what they are doing”, he rolled his eyes. He looked up from his phone. “Are you feeling better?”

No, it was what Johnny wanted to say. No, I was expertly avoiding you but now you are here. “Maybe…”, he said out loud, resting his head on the window. Taeyong got up and took a seat next to him, legs crossed, body turned towards Johnny, like he wanted to show him he had his full attention.

“We could… we could still talk, you know? If you want to”. He stared at Johnny expectantly, red hair falling over his eyes, hands nervously playing with the hem of his green Henley. Johnny was doomed.

“It’s ok, Tae. I’m ok”, he reassuringly patted the younger’s shoulder. He left his hand there for maybe a second too long. Taeyong held it and adjusted his position, throwing Johnny’s arm over his shoulder and tucking his head under his chin. Not quite the avoidance act Johnny was trying to pull.

“Thank you for taking care of me”, he all but whispered. “Just know that I would do the same for you”.

Johnny released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Fuck it. Fuck everything. He could deal with that later. He ran his hands through Taeyong’s hair, kissing the top of his head. “I know you would”.

Taeyong reclined a little so he could look at Johnny. Searching his face like he couldn’t believe Johnny was ok, which he wasn’t. Like he was still troubled, which he was. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed. Johnny caressed his forehead, trying to soften his features. His fingers traced the line of his nose to his lips. Johnny’s heart was running a marathon in his chest. Taeyong sighed, hot air touching Johnny’s fingers. He lifted his hand slowly to caress Johnny’s face, fingers softly brushing his lips, mirroring his own movements. Taeyong kissed Johnny’s finger tips and it physically hurt not to gasp at that. Johnny stared at Taeyong. He saw him swallow hard, bite his lips searching his face for… for what? Taeyong’s eyes zeroed in on Johnny’s mouth. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Tae, you…”, Johnny was rudely interrupted by a cacophony of screams and an obvious wail of pain. Taeyong was up and running in milliseconds to the cluster of people near the stairs. Johnny swiftly followed.

“Shit, shit! Hyung, I’m sorry”, Lucas was saying over and over to someone on the floor.

“What happened?” Taeil was coming out of the kitchen with Yuta and the others in tow.

“I fell on him”, Lucas replied a bit winded. “Haechan threw the ball too high and I just…baam… crashed on him”

Taeyong crouched down next to Ten, who was clearly in pain, clutching his leg. “Fuck, Lucas”.

“Sorry. I’m really sorry. I lost balance”.

“Not his fault. Bad knee”, Ten whimpered when he tried to sit, Doyoung and Jisung doing their best to help.

“Can you stand up?”, Johnny asked gently elbowing his way closer to them.

Ten tried to get up, gasping in pain. “No. No I can’t”, he laughed a little breatlless.

“Shit. Better take you to a doctor”, Taeyong got up. “I’ll message the managers. Can someone call an ambulance? Or a cab?”

“On it”, Taeil was already dialing.

“No need for an ambulance. Someone can just carry me over to the car”.

“I’ll take you to the hospital”, Taeyong was already putting his shoes on.

“I’m coming with”, Johnny prompted. “You can’t carry him by yourself”, he added when Taeyong was about to protest.

They rushed out of the house when the taxi arrived, both carrying Ten in their arms. He was visibly trying to hold back tears, knee probably hurting more than he was telling them. The ride to the hospital was quick and after getting there, Ten was sat in a wheelchair and pushed into one of the examination rooms. Johnny and Taeyong assured him they were still going be around, but stepped outside not to disturb the doctors. After a few minutes one of their managers arrived. He spotted them waiting outside the room and rushed to their sides, being caught up in a rush of breath and going in to talk to the doctor.

Johnny heard Taeyong’s stomach growl, and his followed. “I’ll see if I can grab something for us to eat”, he said walking away to find a vending machine or a cafeteria.

“I’m coming with you”, Taeyong followed.

They asked around and were directed to the second floor, where they found and array of sad pastries and mushy sandwiches. That would do. They chose club sandwiches just to be on the safe side, even though it was a hospital and food was supposed to be ok, and sat down on a bench at a corner, away from prying eyes. There wasn’t much movement around the hospital. Johnny looked at his phone: 9.30pm. They ate side by side in companionable silence.

“Fuck”, Taeyong exclaimed face in hands. “We have a photo shoot tomorrow morning”.

“We are still going to have it. Ten is going to be ok. Probably won’t be able to move much and will be full of pain killers, but he will probably definitely be there”.

“Startling with loud crashes and people wailing”, Taeyong laughed into his hands. “Two nights in a row”. He sighed and got up. Johnny watched him collect all wrappers and napkins and take them to the trashcan. He watched as he stretched, arms above his head and eyes closed. Two nights in a row. Two nights overthinking things that maybe he didn’t have to. Johnny slowly got up when Taeyong made his way back to him. He looked around, there was no one there but the two of them.

“We should go back”, he said looking over Johnny’s shoulder to the other side of the corridor they were in.

“Yeah we should, but…”, Johnny pulled Taeyong by his waist until his body was flushed against his. Taeyong’s eyes were wide, breath caught in his throat. Johnny leaned in and kissed the corner of Taeyong’s lips, feeling his hands clutch his arms in surprise. Johnny tugged on Taeyong’s bottom lip with his teeth and flicked his tongue over it. Taeyong parted his lips invitingly and Johnny slowly deepened the kiss, a savoring and sensual move of tongues. Johnny flicked his tongue over Taeyong's lips again when they parted for air. Taeyong was flushed prettily, eyes closed. “But I think we are done with interruptions now”, Johnny added a bit breathless.

Taeyong opened his eyes, glistening lips still parted. The dam was broken and there was no fixing it. Johnny wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him, but they were at a public space and people could come at anytime. He brushed his fingers over Taeyong’s cheeks. “We will talk about this later”. Taeyong nodded, still a little dazed. He took the younger by the hand and made his way back to Ten’s room. They would definitely talk about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things:  
> 1) It is quite hard to write fluffy stuff  
> 2) I think I love clichès... they exist for a reason, right?


	6. Where we begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeello people!!  
> I know I am a few days early... I had a day off (first one in 13 years) and didn't really know what else to do (that sounds super sad... but it isn't...lol...it is just that it was unexpected...lol)  
> Anyways... I finished this one and Monday I will still post another one, as per my unspoken (but infereable) schedule.
> 
> Enjoy! ('cause I did...)

“Do you have to be so loud when you eat?”, Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose. His clothes were too damn uncomfortable, his food was too bland and his make-up was just too much. 

“You’re in a sour mood today. I don’t want to be near you”, Yuta took another bite from his sub, but didn’t move from where he was sitting on the floor.  

Yes, he most definitely was in a bad mood. They have been stranded in the photo studio since eight in the morning, he has changed clothes several times, had his hair tossed all over the place like a million more... and talked to Taeyong a total of zero times. Zero. Nada. Last night he was acting all cool, saying they would talk about it later... but he figured later would be when they got home, like he had completely forgotten what it was that they did for a living. They were around their managers for the rest of the night there at the hospital. When they finally took Ten back home, a bottle of stupidly strong painkillers in one hand and a clutch in the other, they were both too tired. He slept a total of four hours and he has been here all dolled up for five hours straight. Now he was anxious and he hated that, he was a chill guy. Moreover, he had to stand there and watch while Taeyong makes all kinds of bedroom eyes to the camera, looking gloriously hot in a black button-down shirt and ripped jeans.  So yes, his temper spiked. 

“Well, I have no shoes on. I can be”, he was sulking. Their stylist noonas did a number on him. Hair all slicked back with enough hair gel to fill a barrel, navy blazer pinching the back of his neck, an incredibly low V-neck white tee that he was sure was showing his nipples every time he bent even a tiny bit and incredibly uncomfortable dark skinny jeans... no shoes.  

“You’re the sexy CEO type, hyung”, Jaehyun pitched in. “I think that is what they were going for”. He scratched his head. Yeah, nobody got the “no shoes” part. 

“Sexy hobo”, Yuta scoffed. “No money, no shoes”. 

“Shut up”, he flicked Yuta’s forehead. His friend laughed hard at his own stupid joke, getting up and trailing for the dressing room. Johnny went back to brooding uncomfortably and watching Taeyong, who now had the three first buttons opened, a fist full of hair and was biting his lips. “Oh c’mon”, he groaned. 

“Yo, Johnny boy”, Taeil called out. “They are calling you to join us”. Johnny begrudgingly moved to were the lights were set up.  

“Already in character?”, Taeil raised his eyebrow. “What bit you?” 

“Don’t wanna talk about it”, he huffed.  

The scene they set up for the photoshoot was quite simple, with just an armchair and a few pillows scattered around a grayish backdrop. Taeyong was quietly waiting for them in the middle of the professionally lit space. His perfectly contoured eyes following them, but resting on Johnny when they got closer, a little smile forming at the corner of his lips.  

“You look good, hyung”, he said. “This style suits you”. He looked Johnny up and down, avidly interested. 

“Too much hair gel, really uncomfortable pants”, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, making that goddamn tee show a bit more skin. Taeyong nodded absently, biting his lips again. 

“It looks really good”, Taeyong was staring. Oh, so he likes this type of thing. Good to know. Shit, they really need to talk.  

Despite his pinching collar and really tight pants, Johnny managed to smile at Taeyong’s ogling. Good to see he wasn't the only one affected. “Well, in that case, I’ll ask to keep it so I can wear it more often”, Johnny smirked. Taeyong’s eyes widened comically, but he smiled. 

“Sure hotshot. Let’s get this thing over with”, Taeil huffed, getting in between them and glaring at the camera. 

The trio moved around the tiny set following the photographer’s directions and Johnny did his best not to gape at Taeyong’s sultry look towards him whenever they had to be close for a shot. Funny how they have done this many times before, but now that things seemed to be somewhat changing it felt different… and much more complicated. Trying to school his expressions and not simply grab Taeyong when people told them to “be sexy for the camera” was a trial. When they called for a break, Johnny sprawled himself in the armchair they had been using. 

“Tired?”, Taeyong crouched next to him.  Johnny beckoned him to move, sitting on the floor in between his legs, resting his head on the edge of the cushion so he could selfishly calm himself down by running his hand through Taeyong’s hair. It worked both ways, apparently. 

“Yeah... I’m sorry for my bad mood”, he said and heard the younger man sigh happily when he started massaging his scalp. They are probably developing some kind of addiction here, but Johnny doesn’t care at all. He relaxed a little in the chair, both of them closing their eyes and just listening to the faint buzz of conversation around them. 

“Hyung...”, Taeyong whispered.  

“Yeah?” 

“Is it later yet?” 

Johnny slowly opened his eyes to look down at the other´s face. Taeyong was intently staring, bottom lip caught between his teeth, make up accentuating his features, giving him that fierce sexy look and vibe people often got from his performances. Johnny moved his hands to start massaging his shoulders, hands grazing the skin on his neck. “I’m sorry. We can’t seem to catch a break”. 

Taeyong was quiet for a few seconds, intense look on his face. Then he sighed again and closed his eyes, relaxing under Johnny´s ministrations. “We will always be surrounded by people”. 

“I know. It will be hard to have some time alone”, Johnny exhaled, a little frustrated.  

“We should make time”, Taeyong said so quietly that Johnny barely heard him. He took Johnny’s hands in his and let them rest there, on his shoulders. 

“Guys, let get moving. We are wrapping this shoot and going straight to practice”, one of their managers called out. Taeyong squeezed his hands and got up and went get changed. Johnny sat there, at a loss, glaring at his bare feet. 

“Seriously, what is wrong with you today?”, Taeil was standing right behind him. 

“I don’t know”, Johnny groaned. He got up and also started making his way to the dressing room, but was stopped midway by a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to look at Taeil, who was eyeing him with a slight frown. 

“I... if you need to... I will listen”, he patted Johnny’s shoulders reassuringly. 

“Thank you, hyung. I think I’m ok” 

“Damn it, you clearly not ok if you are hyung-ing me”, he said mockingly. Johnny slapped his hands away, rolling his eyes. Taeil grabbed his arm again. “I’m serious, ok? I know you long enough to know you don’t get this sour for nothing”. 

Johnny nodded. “I just need to sort things out”. He really had to do just that. It wasn't the “whats” but the “hows” that were getting on his nerve today. Make time. Talk. He had to. 

They all looked a bit worse for wear when they got to the vans waiting for them around the corner. The fact that they still had a few hours of dance practice ahead was weighting on Johnny more than usual. He waited with the van door open to help Ten get in, Yuta holding him and his clutches until he was seated. Johnny got in last, after Mark. It didn’t escape him the fact that the seat next to Taeyong was kept empty. Like his members had this unspoken rule that he was the one who should sit there. It had been like that for a few weeks. Taeyong had his gaze fixed somewhere outside, forehead rested on the window. Johnny sat as close as he could and put his arm around Taeyong waist, pulling him even closer. The other turned around and tucked his head under Johnny’s chin. 

It was a mostly quiet ride to SM building, members trying not to waist the last of their energy before rehearsal. As soon as they arrived they went straight for their floor, sweaters and backpacks spread on the floor of the big practice room, eager to get that part of the day over with. On their way there, Johnny saw one of the smaller recording studio door open, but it was completely dark inside. He made up his mind. He looked around and found Taeyong and Taeil closer to the practice room door. He strode to the younger man, gently yanking him back towards the open door. He looked back at Taeil, who had his eyebrows raised in surprise. He pleaded with his eyes for the other not to say anything. 

“What are you doing?”, Taeyong asked, confused. 

“I’m making time”, they really had to talk. 

 

*** 

 

Taeyong let himself be dragged to the dark room and just stand there while Johnny closed the door behind them and looked for the light switch. Since last night he has been caught between being excited and feeling anxious with the prospect of talking about this, whatever this is, between them. He had kissed, rather, been kissed by Youngho. His mind was reeling by the time he went to bed, after coming back from the hospital with a tired and fully drugged up Ten in their arms. He had been kissed and it felt... right. He said they would talk later. Taeyong had been so caught up in the moment he didn’t even think what that would mean for them. A faint light went on over their heads. Johnny had found at least one switch.  

“Ok...”, Johnny ran a hand through his hair. Their eyes met. “It is later”. 

Right. Later. “So...hum...we talk?”, Taeyong didn’t have any clue to what to say. 

“Yeah, we do”. Johnny seemed as ineloquent as him.  

“You kissed me”, stating the obvious. 

“I did”, this was maybe going nowhere. 

“I liked it”, that was half the truth. 

“So did I”, definitely going nowhere. Johnny put his hands on his pocket, shrugging slightly. He looked a little lost. Taeyong just wanted to hold him. 

“Please, do it again”, he blurted out. Johnny seemed to have been caught off guard. They were both frozen in place, starring at each other. Seconds that felt like minutes passed, Johnny closed the distance between them. Smiling, he put a hand behind Taeyong´s neck, pulling his face closer. 

“Gladly”, Johnny tipped his chin upwards slightly. Taeyong closed his eyes when he felt the first press of Johnny’s lips on his, a sweet caress inviting him to feel more. He parted his lips when Johnny once again licked his bottom lip, tugging it with his teeth asking to deepen the kiss. Taeyong accepted all of it, all of him, softly moaning when their tongues met, sliding his hands to Johnny’s glossy dark hair, grabbing it gently, feeling the silky strands between his fingers. 

The hand on his neck started lightly rubbing circles in his skin, and slid up to his hair. Taeyong felt his whole body responding to the light touches and the slow sensual slide of their tongues, another moan escaping when his other hand found skin under Taeyong’s t-shirt, above the waistband of his jeans, fingertips lightly tracing his sides and trying to gently bring him closer. He could feel their hearts beating almost in tandem, warmth spreading from his stomach to the tip of his toes. He wanted this so bad. 

“Look at me”, Johnny breathed against his lips when they broke for air, Taeyong blindly seeking more of the kiss. “Look at me, Tae”, the softly spoken command tugged at Taeyong’s heart and he opened his eyes, their faces so close that Taeyong could see the want in his eyes, reflecting his own. “I want this... I want you”. 

Taeyong felt his skin tingle and his breath catch. He just leaned in for another kiss, eyes falling closed again. He wanted more, he wanted this. “I want you too.”, he said, breath shaky, laying his head on Johnny’s shoulders. “I’ve been thinking about you. I... think I need this, hyung. I need you”. 

Johnny held him, breath warm over his forehead. “Don’t call me hyung. It feels... weird”. 

 Taeyong looked up, a smile playing in his lips. “Not a kink then?” 

Johnny let out a breathy laugh. “No, definitely not this one”. 

“But are there any?” 

“You’ll find out eventually”. Taeyong felt his heart picking up pace again. They are doing this. They are really going to do this. 

“How are we keeping this from sixteen people under the same roof?”, Taeyong buried his face in Johnny’s chest. He felt him kissing the top of his head, fingers holding his belt loops. 

“Pretty sure it will be just fifteen later. Taeil will certainly ask why I dragged you to a dark empty room and... you know... closed the door... and just stayed there for a while”, he said nonchalantly.  

“What?”, Taeyong screeched a little. Johnny just shrugged. 

“Plus, he is kind of your roommate I will need him to leave sometimes. Makes it easier”. 

“Leave? What.. Oh!", Taeyong felt his cheeks getting slightly warmer. 

“You have such a dirty mind. I was talking about cuddling”, Johnny laughed when he hit his shoulder. Is this how he wants to play? 

“Well, we are going to have a problem if that is the only thing you want to do”, he smirked when Johnny’ laugh turned into a gasp and he coughed. Taeyong took his face in his hand. “I’m not an innocent little child, Youngho”. He kissed him to prove his point, a bit harder than the previous dance, less sweet and lot more heat, smugness overcoming him when Johnny gave him an utterly dazed look, licking his own lips like he wanted to taste a little more. 

“Point taken”, he said completely breathless. 

“We have to go back”, Taeyong placed a soft peck on his lips and turned to go. Johnny took his hand, giving him a sheepish look, making him stop. 

“Hum... I think I need a moment”, he cleaned his throat, discretely looking down. 

The guilty look on his face was too much and Taeyong burst in laughter. Johnny followed, scratching his head and shrugging. He could go from a sexy commanding persona to a cute bundle of adorableness so fast. Taeyong was in for a ride. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have an idea of how many chapters we will have soon. I am almost sure we are halfway through.
> 
> Loving the kudos and the comments. My ego is super appeased!


	7. Pep Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> Firstly... if this is the first thing you see after a week, go back one chapter. I put chapter 6 up last Friday, ahead of schedule.
> 
> Secondly... I completly lost inspiration over the weekend. It was a rough election day yesterday and I was a bit discouraged. I am not satisfied at all with this chapter. I think it would work better as a part of the previous one, but it would have been too big.
> 
> Anyway... at least it is an update.

It was their eleventh run of the new choreography. They were getting to the point where the easy steps were becoming a problem and they had been making more mistakes each time. When they had to stop and restart that many times in a row, they lost stamina and get sloppier. Maybe it was the heat wave outside, Seoul’s summer being less than gentle this time around. Or maybe Johnny was just projecting, being carried away by his own stream of thought which was certainly preventing him from hitting those goddamn steps.

It is funny how you get caught up in something that makes you feel good and you take too long to realize that maybe, just maybe, others would think it shouldn’t be happening. Johnny had spent the last twenty four hours letting reality sink in and it wasn’t pretty. How was he supposed to talk to Taeil about this? What will he think? What if the other members found out? Worse… what would they do if they were caught by one of the managers?

So much has happened the last few days, they haven’t really stopped to talk about consequences. Yesterday they were supposed to do that, right? That is why he had literally dragged Taeyong to a dark empty room, to talk. They had, in a way… but Johnny’s brain hadn’t caught up with the situation yet. It hit him much later, after they had spent hours practicing and Johnny spent most of his energy in avoiding Taeil’s inquisitive gaze, when they got home late at night and he barely saw Taeyong till breakfast this morning.

“Ok, that is it. We need a break. A long one”. Taeyong sprawled himself on the floor, a common sight for all of those who trained with him. What wasn’t common as everyone else following suit.

“Thank God!”, Taeil slid down to the floor, back against the huge mirror that covered the room from side to side.

“I thought I was going to die”, Yuta let himself fall next to him. “Where did you find that much stamina, granpa?”

“I was impressed with how long it took him to give up”, Ten declared from his comfortable spot on the couch near the sound system, phone in hand, bad knee propped up with what looked like Jungwoo’s bag.

Johnny crossed the room, stepping over Taeyong’s form flopped on the floor. The younger one smiled brightly and patted the space next to him, but Johnny just shook his head and kept going, choosing to sit near where Taeil and Yuta were slouched. Johnny could see through the mirror Taeyong sit up, light crinkles on his forehead as he stared at Johnny’s back. He got up and went to stand next to Doyoung and Mark, looking back at him a few times. Johnny sat down and was faced with two raised eyebrows, Yuta and Taeil with matching questioning looks.

“What’s up with the cold shoulder?”, Yuta asked nodding to Taeyong’s general vicinity.

“What are you talking about?”

“You flat out ignored Taeyong just now”, Yuta added.

“No I didn’t!”

“You totally did, dude! What’s up?”, Yuta insisted.

“Nothing is up. I thought you liked my company. If you don’t want me here, I’ll find somebody else to chill with”, Johnny quipped and got up. He didn’t ignore Taeyong. He just didn’t sit with him this one time, c’mon. It has nothing to do with the fact that Johnny is now painfully aware that he has locked lips with a member a few times, that he wants some more and that may or may not present trouble. Really, nothing.

“Sit the fuck down, man”, Taeil huffed. Johnny raised an eyebrow, hand on his waist, defiant. Taeil just looked at him thoroughly unimpressed. He grabbed Johnny’s hand and pulled him back down. “Is this because of what happened yesterday?”

Johnny felt the blood draining from his face. “What?”

“You know what”, Taeil replied impassively.

“Hum, I don’t. Care to fill me in?”, Yuta seemed miffed.

“Hyung, I don’t know what you are talking about”. Taeil just raised his eyebrow. Oh Jesus! Did he see anything? So much for figuring out what to do. Johnny could hear his own heart beat.

“You and your sour mood yesterday morning. Your ‘figuring stuff out’ thing. You dragging Taeyong to an empty studio when we got here”. Oh shit. Oh shit. “You guys fought”. Oh… well… ok.

“Why? You never argue with anybody...”, Yuta moved closer.

“We… we didn’t fight”. Johnny considered his options. These two are his closest friends. They would have something to say, but they wouldn’t tell a soul.

“Sure you didn’t”, Taeil was almost sarcastic. “You guys spent the last few weeks glued to the hip and these last two days…”

“Hyung, let’s talk outside”. Johnny got up, resolute, and just went straight for the door. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Taeyong was watching him.

He left practice room and crossed the long corridor to one of the restrooms. He didn’t look back, just hoped Taeil, and maybe Yuta, were following him. They either get really mad at them both or try to be supportive. They will probably be mad. Anything was better than being all angsty, right? He had to rip the band-aid off, didn’t he? He was trying to reason with himself, both sides loosing.

He let himself into the restroom, checking to see if all three stalls were empty. He braced himself on the edge of the sink. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal and he was just making things difficult. Idols date in secret all the time. Date? So they were dating? Shit, shit, shit. Maybe he should try to figure out what they were doing before talking to anyone about it. A few kisses. Good ones. Great fucking ones. But it would be hard to be all sneaky around sixteen other people.

The door swung open and Taeil got in, followed by a totally baffled Yuta. “Seriously, Johnny, what is going on?”, he was this side of annoyed. Taeil just closed the door silently and leaned against it, half blocking anyone from getting in or out.

Johnny took a deep breath. “Ok. I probably won’t know how to answer your questions because this is pretty new to me. And before I say anything, just remember I am seriously trusting you guys. You two are my best friends and no matter what you have to say to me about it, it can’t get out”. He just forced the words out, playing the friendship card hard to make himself feel better, reassured.

“Man, really? You’re scaring me”, Yuta crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Promise me, Yuta”.

“Yeah, yeah. Not a peep”.

“Taeil?”

“I would never. And you know it”.

“Taeyong and I didn’t fight, we…” Ripping the band-aid off. “I kissed him”.

A few beats. “Hum… what?”, Yuta looked painstakingly confused.

“I kissed Taeyong”.

“Like… on the mouth?”, the struggle was palpable.

“Yep”, Johnny popped the P for emphasis.

“Ok”. Yuta nodded. It could be considered a comical expression, the surprise clear in his widened eyes and totally paled face. Johnny would have laughed if his heart wasn’t beating in his throat. “Hum… ok”, he was trying hard to process that piece of information.

Johnny kept quiet, not wanting to say anything else before he gauged the situation. From where he was leaning, Taeil was silently watching him, which was making Johnny tense. His silence was always unnerving.

“Why?”, Yuta faintly asked. He was looking at the floor. What was the right answer here? Because it feels good? Because he likes it? Because he likes… him?

“Did he kiss you back?”, Taeil broke his silence swiftly.

Johnny was taken aback. “Yes, yes he did”.

“Did it happen more than once?”, Yuta was now looking at him, still very much conflicted.

“Yes, but it is still… it started a few days ago”. Yuta nodded, going back to staring at his feet.

“Do you want to keep doing it?” Johnny stared at Taeil, trying to read his expressions, his posture. He just nodded in response. “Does he?”, his friend pushed on. Nodding again.

“Have you thought about what this means for the group?”, Yuta asked, not unkindly. Johnny could only nod and lower his head. Yeah, right on the money there.

“Is this why you got your panties in a knot?”, Taeil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Johnny shrugged. And then, Taeil laughed. “Fuck, man”.

“What is so funny about that?”, Yuta was looking between them.

“No identity crisis? No ‘oh no, I like men’? Just ‘how am I gonna keep this going and still keep the group together and happy’?”

“Well, I pretty much figured I’m bi after it happened”. Taeil was full out cackling now. Johnny let a tiny smile form at the corner of his mouth. Maybe it won’t be as bad as it could be.

“Ok, before this gets crazier than it already is, I just wanna say that I am a little weirded out”, Yuta said raising his hand.

“But?”, Johnny hopped for one.

“But… I… you’re my friend. Taeyong is my friend. That is all I need right now”. He scrunched his face a little. “Just…please… don’t do it in front of me, please”. Taeil was snorting.

A soft knock on the door startled them. Taeil opened it to find Taeyong, knuckles in midair, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He peered inside, shifting uneasily from one foot to the other.

“Look, it is Romeo”, Taeil smirked.

“What?”, Taeyong looked at Johnny, who smiled and shrugged. He would explain later.

“Maybe he is Juliet”. Yuta faked a shudder. “Now I weirded myself out. I’m going back”. He held the door for Taeyong to come in and fled.

“We’ll find time to think about it later”, Taeil clasped Johnny’s shoulder. “In the meantime, just don’t get caught”, he whispered. He left with a wink to a bewildered Taeyong.

When push comes to shove, at least Johnny knows he can count on his friends. He felt lighter now, more of himself. He took Taeyong by the hand. “C’mon, let’s go back”. The younger man tugged his arm, making him stop. Johnny turned to look at Taeyong. He had a troubled look, eyes searching Johnny’s face.

“Is everything ok?”, he looked worried. Probably thinking about Johnny’s chicken move not even half an hour ago. Johnny kissed his frown, then his cheek and the corner of his eyes. He put a hand on the small of his back, beckoning him to come forward. He gently kissed Taeyong’s lips once, twice.

Johnny trailed small kisses on Taeyong’s chin. “We can talk when we get home”, he kissed Taeyong’s neck. He heard the other’s breath hitch. He dragged his lips up the pale smooth skin, biting his earlobe, making Taeyong clutch at his t-shirt. “I’m sorry”, he whispered in his ears, kissing his way back to his mouth.

“Ok”, Taeyong said, breath shaky, parting his lips to accept the kiss.

Hiding from just fourteen now. It was a little better than when they started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wouldn't it be nice if people in the world were as perfect as the ones in my alternate universe?


	8. Idol Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kinda rushed this one out... and it is a bit short. Sorry! I'm on a trip with my family and it wouldn't be fair if I stayed away from them to write more. I'll probably not be able to add anything on Monday, but I promise either an extra long chapter or a double update next week, ok?
> 
> Oh... and fun fact: I found out three days ago that NCT127 is actually guesting on Idol Room, October 16th. Look at that...lol that is also a reason why I wanted to post this today, you know... before real stuff spoil my story... lol
> 
> Meanwhile: Reality, consider yourself bent!

 

“Ok, it is time for today’s pick-IDOL!”, Donhee and Conhee were saying in unison to the many cameras arranged around the peach colored set. It took them some time to get here, as they had to redo introductions a few times, too many members to be caught in one shot specially with one of them barely being able to walk across the set, as the producers kept pointing out.

Taeyong was more than a little stressed out when they got to JTBC’s studio to shoot the show. Their manager told him on their way there they were going to perform a preview of the new song. Their comeback had been moved due to EXO’s possible change of schedule. It was already difficult to run things smoothly when they had a fixed timetable, it was even harder when they kept adding or changing things on the roster. He knew it was usually hectic, but the production team has been keeping them in the dark about so many things lately, and most changes had been last minute ones.

His nervous energy was off the roof when they sat around behind the cameras waiting for the two hosts to come back to the set to start shooting. He kept biting his nails, shaking his legs non-stop. When Johnny sat down next to him, resting his hand on his knee, trying to make it stop moving, he had to fight the urge to curl up at the other’s lap and just stay there.

“Hey hey… what’s up?”, Johnny gently pried his hand away from his lips.

“Things keep changing, I can’t keep up”

“Is this about the new song? It is just a preview, man”, he gingerly brought Taeyong closer to his side by the waist, as it had become a habit for him when he was trying to provide some kind of comfort.

“No. No. They keep me on my toes and it is tiring. This is already hard enough”, he gestures around them. “I really can’t keep up”.

Johnny kissed his forehead. “You have been doing it for almost a year”. Taeyong sagged against him, trying to relax. He started biting his nails again, just to have his hand smacked away.

“Stop it! Let me cope!”, he huffed impatiently.

“What if that close up camera thingy gets you biting your nails?”, Johnny was laughing at his misery.

“Don’t!”, Taeyong slapped Johnny’s thighs. “Don’t say that out loud. It might happen. The universe hates me.”

“Nah… you are too adorable”, he pinched Taeyong’s sides and got another slap in return just for good measure. Taeyong was still mulling over things in his head.

When the cameras started rolling it was hard to keep his cool. They had to redo the introductions, it was difficult for him to keep all members on camera for a fair amount of time. He just started fading to the background, keeping the youngest members upfront with Doyoung and Taeil. Then the close-up camera sketch came up.

“You know how it is? Have you seen the show?”, Conhee was asking the front line. Jeno and Sicheng were nodding their heads excitedly. They laid themselves in an awkward circle around the camera, a dummy taking Ten’s place as he couldn’t get on the floor and had to always stay at the corner of the set, perched on a stool. Taeyong was between Mark and Taeil. He could see Youngho’s beautiful face across from him, smirking and wiggling his browns. Fucker.

“SPIN!”, Taeyong really hoped it wouldn´t be him. He was not going to be able to just put himself in the background. He didn’t even want to look at the camera spinning in front of them. He raised his eyes a fraction and saw Johnny looking at him still over the makeshift platform where the camera was set up. He wanted this shoot to be over so he could just settle somewhere around their house and just get comforted by him, or let him kiss him silly. Johnny’s surprised expression brought his eyes back to the camera. Of course it was staring at him. He had been picked.

“Try looking less annoyed, granpa”, Taeil whispered to him. Taeyong put on his best smile for the menacing object in front of him. He saw Johnny and Yuta hide their mouths behind their hands. They were laughing at his misery, for sure.

He didn’t know how other Idols managed to forget that there was a camera following them around the set the whole time. Taeyong was completely aware of it. His jaw hurt from fake smiling all the time. Not that he wasn’t happy around his members, or that they weren’t entertaining. Of course they were. He would genuinely laugh most of the time. They had prepared themselves for this show the best they could, spent their Tuesday rehearsing random dances just in case, most of them have prepared some kind of talent to show off if necessary. It was their first variety all together and they had to be a tenth of the mess they usually were. The problem was the in-betweens, when the hosts where talking or they weren´t doing anything specific. Besides, Youngho kept finding ways to touch him. It ranged from a simple touch of fingers to a quick, and hopefully stealthy, kiss on his shoulder. Taeyong couldn´t decide if it was adorable or annoying. Either way, he had to be alert, they wouldn’t just cut out his part. It would be on their website in full.

When they finally called a break to replace something from the set that had been broken when the hosts thought it would be funny to make them into two teams of nine and play baseball, Taeyong was mentally exhausted. He sank in one of the stools ready for them in the middle of the set while the others just mingled and provided him with cover from the cameras. He felt someone behind him and without turning around he knew it was Youngho, especially when two arms snatched around his waist.

“Where is you mic receiver?”, he whispered. Taeyong took it from his back pocket and Johnny turned it off. “There”, he smiled giving the device back, “Enjoying your exclusive camera?”

“No”, he leaned back resting his head on Johnny´s chest. “I blame you and your big moth”.

“Last time I checked, you quite liked it”. Taeyong spun around, mouth agape. Johnny had a satisfied smirk on his face.

“You two quit being so goddamn obvious”, Taeil hissed, getting closer to them.

“Are you feeling left out?”, Johnny came up to him and hugged Taeil the same way he had done to Taeyoung. “I love you, hyung”, he made kissy faces at the older one, who was trying to keep an unimpressed façade, but failing.

“There is a camera on you Taeyong, it is still rolling”, he murmured, prying Johnny’s hands from his waist, flicking his forehead. “And Johnny boy here isn´t as stealthy as he thinks”.

“I did nothing out of the ordinary there”, Johnny crossed his arms, defensively.

“Maybe…”, Taeil was smirking, “but you guys faces are a dead giveaway”.

Taeyong just rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure he was keeping himself in check, even though all he wanted to do was melt under Youngho’s light touches. He looked around, scanning the room. Most members were still in the middle of the peach set, talking animatedly with the two hosts while the crew fixed whatever had been damaged during the game. He spotted Yuta coming from behind the line of cameras. He didn’t look pleased and was coming up to where they were hiding behind the commotion.

“Yuta, what´s up?” Johnny asked when he got within ear shot. He just glanced at him, expression sour, and started searching Taeil’s jeans pockets. He took his receiver and turned it off.

“Hyung, for fuck sake”, he pinched Taeil´s sides. Turning his back to Taeyong’s exclusive camera director.

“What?”, the oldest yelped, holding his abused waist.

“Was it on?”, Taeyong mentally went through the things they said with Taeil around.

“Yes! And you two were lucky I went to the bathroom and passed the sound station”, he flicked Taeil’s forehead.

“Was anybody listening?”, Johnny didn’t look worried at all, Taeyong was pretty sure he was asking just for his sake. Still, he stepped a little to his left in order to leave the camera scope.

“Don´t know. Not when I came back and realized this dumbass had it still on. I heard part of it”

“Don´t call me names”, Taeil pouted. He turned to Taeyong and shrugged. “Sorry?”

Johnny was shaking his head, smiling. “Nothing to worry about guys”.

Yuta frowned. “Taeyong is being filmed in close up… and you guys weren’t exactly talking in codes”.

Both Taeil and Johnny shrugged. “It won´t be anything the fans haven’t heard before”, Johnny said.

“Jungwoo has said worse to the camera, honestly”, Taeil added.

One of the producers called them all to go back to their places to restart shooting. They went back to their original places, Taeyong now much more aware of the camera following him. Maybe they would cut the footage and not upload it to the site, maybe they didn’t record any audio during the break. Or maybe, as Youngho would insist when they were snuggling up in the van on their way back to their dorm a few hours later, everything would be there and nobody would care and it would just be grade A fodder for fan videos on youtube. Either way, they wouldn’t know for sure for at least two weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I kept the format they had been using till October 9th with Weki Meki. I saw the preview for NCT and I know that things are going to be different. However, if Taeyong gets chosen as pick-idol next week, feel free to call me a psychic. ;)
> 
> Oh... and I think we burned it slow enough. Things will probably get... you know... smutier... from now. I think... I hope? Let's see...


	9. We got you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm late. I could say it was all because of a super busy week at work (truthful enough)... but, I got stuck. I know what comes next, but I am having a difficult time finding a bridge. Aaaaaaaaand... i have to make a lot of changes because this got sweeter, cuter and fluffier than I am used to. I even took some tags out (that is new...lol)
> 
> Anyways... this is a filler, but a feel-good-and-love-characters kind of filler. I hope it can satisfy you all while you wait for my block to crumble.

Sometimes work is so intense that they can’t discern day and night. It is always dark when they are outside, and they are barely out of anywhere. For over a week it is in and out of studios, always surrounded by cameras. Sometimes they get a glimpse of sunlight if they have to move around in the middle of the afternoon, but they are all too tired to appreciate it.

Taeyong haven’t had time to think or even stress out about anything during the day. It is just about work these days; they had a lot on their plates. The rides in between schedules are quiet, sleepy and not quite long enough. They save energy so that they can be entertaining during interviews, they don’t fool around as much when they have a livestream scheduled.

Every interaction with fans got them a bit more confident in what they were doing. NCTzens were enthusiastic with the prospect of having the whole group perform. During lives, they read comments, play off each other, they show their individual skills and fulfill fan requests. Yes, they have to use a bit more make up than usual to cover their dark circles, but in the end, they think it is worthwhile. They are overworked, but in some way they are content.

Nonetheless, Taeyong couldn´t help but feel angsty when he lays his head for the few hours of sleep he can get. He misses Youngho. Not that he doesn´t see him almost every day, or that he doesn’t hug him whenever they are close or steals a kiss or two when no one is looking. Things are different now, he… no, they need more. It hasn´t been quite the same for days as they can´t muster enough energy to sneak around.

It is a lot of work to hide a relationship, if that is what they had. It was tricky finding a quiet, empty spot around the dorm; they had given up the first three days. Their comeback was around the corner and there was a familiar mixture of excitement and dread around the dorm, so people were always moving around, anxiety bubbling. They tried waiting for everyone to fall asleep, but they were as exhausted as anyone else and that had proven to be one impractical idea after a few days of falling asleep while waiting.

Taeyong hadn’t had the chance to talk to Taeil about this; the eldest was always asleep when he got to their room. Youngho told him about their brief chat and Taeyong was glad that his roommate didn’t bat an eye when he found out, but with the amount of schedules they all had, to Taeyong it seemed unfair to ask for anything else from him.

Day in and day out, Youngho held Taeyong a bit tighter whenever they were sitting next to each other in the van, burying his face on Taeyong’s neck and just staying there until they got to wherever they were going next; as he was always observing Taeyong when they were a few members apart in front of the camera, full of longing and something Taeyong couldn’t quite describe, but that made him feel warm and wanted. They had little time to actually build something between them, but it had stuck. Taeyong just wished he could live it out a bit more.

“It is almost over, man”, Taeil said from under the covers when Taeyong sat down on his bed, probably sighing helplessly as it had been almost every night the past week. They had been the first ones to turn in, Taeil not even gathering the energy to take a shower before throwing himself under the duvet.

“Sorry… can’t help but feel weary sometimes”, Taeyong stretched his arms, trying to ease the discomfort he felt all over his well-worn limbs.

“You’ll both have more time soon”. Taeyong wasn’t really surprised that the eldest apparently didn’t need explaining why he had been brooding.

“Yeah, maybe”. He knew promotions would end soon, but then what? They would have a few days and go back at it. He would start promotion with NCT 127, and then NCT U when they wouldn’t see each other at all. Neverending. Taeyong didn’t want to be that guy, the drama queen, but his mind was too tired to reason.

“Hey…”, Taeil sat up on his bed. “How do you feel about him?”

Taeyong stopped halfway under his covers. “What?”

“Johnny. How do you feel when you’re with him?”

“What do you mean?”

He felt, more than saw in the dim lit bedroom, that Taeil had rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Do you just want to have someone to get you off or do you want something more?”

“Shit, hyung”, Taeyong chuckled. “We haven’t done anything like that”.

“Humm…”, Taeil scratched his chin. “So you gotta tap that first before you make a decision?”

Taeyong hid under his duvet. “Hyung!”, he didn’t know whether he loved or hated how crass and blunt Taeil was with him, but it sure made it easier to talk most of the time.

“You’re not a prude Taeyong, stop it”. Taeil threw his pillow at him. “So, which is it?”

Taeyong sat up, throwing the pillow back. “I don’t need to do anything else to know”, he started fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. Taeil was intently staring, waiting for an answer. Taeyong sighed. “More”, he closed his eyes. “I can’t have it, but I want it”.

Taeil for sure rolled his eyes again. “You know, celebrities date in secret all the fucking time”, he laid himself down once again.

“They usually don´t live with seventeen people”

“This isn’t permanent”, Taeil huffed.

“It is sure taking a long time”, Taeyong got under the covers again.

“You’re being annoying”

“I’m being a realist”

“No, you’re looking for stuff to stress about”

“I am not making shit up”

“Maybe I’m not the one you should have this conversation with”

“You started it”, Taeyong sulked. Taeil was quiet for a moment and Taeyong turned his back to him. He heard shuffling and then felt Taeil plop himself on his bed, throwing one of his legs over him. “What are you doing?”, Taeyong asked, amusement coloring his voice.

“Shut up. I’m comforting you”, Taeil’s voice was muffled.

“You stink!”

“I know”, he pinched Taeyong’s arm. He felt silent once more, hugging Taeyong tight. “Give it time”, he said after a few beats. “Right now it seems impossible because you’re both still figuring things out”. Taeil patted his head, making him giggle.

“You’re not wise. Why are you trying to be wise?”

Taeil halfheartedly punched him. “Respect your elders, boy”.

“Sure hyung”, Taeyong chuckled again. “I wish I could just be open about it”, he heaved a sigh.

“You won´t be able to hide from all of them, and we don´t know how they will react. That is scary, but I am sure they want to keep the group together and we will all deal with it”

“We?”

“Hell yeah, we. You two have decided to be together and now it affects all of us”

“I wasn’t aware we had made that decision”

“You’re fucking sulking because you can´t be all kissy and grabby with him, you’re totally a couple”

“Fuck you”, Taeyong said with no heat. “Get off of me, your smell is getting worse”

“If I were Johnny you would be all over me, sweat or no sweat”, Taeil stated, getting up.

“He gets me all hot and bothered, you just annoy me”. Taeil pulled Taeyong’s pillow from under his head to hit him with it, punched him again for good measure.

“Fine, I’ll get a shower, you brat”, he got up.

“Don’t get your hopes up”

“Remind me to never comfort you again, it is bad for my ego”

“Hyung”, Taeyong looked over his shoulders at Taeil who had stopped halfway to the door. “I love you”

“You’re so sappy”. Taeil rolled his eyes, but he was smiling when he left the room.

 

***

 

“Hyung, can I start the live here?”, Mark was looking at him through the mirror, next to his chair in their dressing room. “I don’t think I can come up with anything by myself”.

“Yeah, sure”, Johnny shrugged. “If you think me putting on makeup is content, let’s go for it”.

“Anything is content”, Doyoung said from his perch on the couch next to them. “It has always been”.

“True!”, Mark said animatedly. He started the app and smiled for the camera while he greeted a few fans and waited for a decent number of people to be on to actually start anything.

This was their second weekend of music shows. It had been a good run. They haven’t won anything on the weekend of their comeback, but the song had climbed the charts theses last few days. All members were excited with the prospect of reaching number one as one group. Taeyong had had his hand full reigning in all eighteen of them for photos when they got there, making sure everyone was paying attention during dry rehearsals. Johnny knows that it hasn’t been too much of a struggle, however, as they all knew how to be professional when they had to. They were Idols. They would play around, they were all friends after all, but they listened to their leader, they were alert to managers and producers’ directions.

Still, it had been a frantic couple of weeks, running back and forth to interviews, variety shows, radio programs and all that shenanigans. They are promoting as a group, but they all have different schedules during the week, so they’ve all been a bit frenzied. It also makes it difficult for him to be with Taeyong as much as he wants to. He looks at the younger man standing next to Yuta across the room. Their eyes met through the mirror, and Taeyong winks at him. Johnny couldn’t stop his smile. Yuta caught their exchange and just rolled his eyes. Johnny chuckled. He wished he could just cross the dressing room and kiss Taeyong silly, but that was something that had to wait… a really fucking long wait.

“Hi there, everyone”, Mark said next to him turning his camera a little so it would put Doyoung and Johnny in the shot. “We’re getting ready for another performance. This one is going to be live. You will all watch yeah?” Both Doyoung and him smiled and waved for the camera while Mark read a few of the fast pace comments rolling through the screen.

“So, hyung. Tell NCTzens what you are doing”, Mark said pointing the camera to Johnny.

“Sitting pretty and letting noonas do my make up”, Doyoung snorted from where he was sitting. Mark giggled.

The comments were going fast. Johnny saw a few on how he should eat well, or how Mark was cute. Some were asking for other members, many claiming for Lucas. He was always entertaining and fans couldn´t get enough of him.

“Ok, I’ll go around and show you guys what we do backstage”, Mark was saying to the camera.

“We wait… and it isn’t fun”, Doyoung was the picture of boredom.

“It isn’t fun without our fans, of course”, Mark amended, pushing him lightly.

The rapper went around filming members as they got ready for the performance, reading comments as he walked. Johnny sagged a bit in his chair and went back to staring at Taeyong through the mirror. He hadn’t moved yet, but now he was talking to Taeil and Sicheng. He was distracted for a few minutes until the stylist noona taped his shoulder to tell him that she had finished. He plopped himself on the couch next to Doyoung.

“How long?”, he asked soon as he made himself comfortable, trying not to wrinkle his shirt too much. He rested his head on the back of the couch, half closing his eyes.

“We still have an hour or so”, Doyoung looked at his phone and got up. “I’ll go after Mark. At least he is doing something”, he said over his shoulders, already making his way to meet those who had gathered in front of the camera, joking around and making a lot of noise.

“I’m staying as far from that camera as possible. Not in the mood”, Johnny said to no one in particular.

“Sulking because you’re not with your boyfriend?”, Yuta whispered, dropping himself next to Johnny, who blindly tried to elbow his friend, hitting just cushion.

“Maybe”, Johnny pouted. He cracked one eye open to look at Yuta. He had an eyebrow raised. “What?”

“So, he is... your... you know”, Yuta said, keeping his voice low, even though the guys live streaming were taking all the attention from them.

“What? Boyfriend?”, Johnny kept his voice down too. Yuta nodded. “If you have any other word you wanna use, be my guest”, Johnny shrugged.

“No, I'm cool”, Yuta was pensive, drumming his fingers on his legs. “This is hard”.

“What is?”, Johnny half turned his body to better look at his friend.

“You two, together...like...for real”, Yuta sighed.

“As opposed to the fake relationship we had?”, Johnny snorted.

Yuta rolled his eyes. “Can’t you be serious for a second?”

“Too tired for that”, Johnny shrugged.

“People aren’t nice to idols dating”, Yuta said after a few beats. Johnny just hummed in agreement. His friend fell silent. Across the dressing room, Lucas and Doyoung had dragged Taeyong to where Mark was still filming. Johnny was trying his best not to sleep, but it was difficult to keep his eyes open. When he started to drift, Yuta whispered “I’m sorry”.

Johnny opened his eyes again and looked at him. “For what?”

“I should be helping”, he was playing with one of the rings in his fingers.

“What could you possibly do?”

“I don’t know”, he shrugged. “Something”

“Everything is fine, man”

“Is it?”, Yuta raised his eyebrow again. “Weren't you all pissy five seconds ago?”

Johnny chuckled. “Well yeah”, he nudged Yuta, “we haven’t spent much time together”

“He is right there, you know”, he inclined his head in Taeyong’s direction.

“Yeah, but I need him right here”, Johnny tapped his own lap. Yuta rolled his eyes, smiling.

“Is it still just Taeil and me?”, he asked. Johnny nodded.

“Are you gonna tell the others?”

“Some of them will find out eventually”.

“Find what out?”, Ten asked, perching himself on the armrest. He was free of his clutches, but still taking pain pills after every performance. 

“That we won’t ever have a vacation”, Yuta said, not missing a beat.

“Don’t say that”, Ten whined.

Johnny laughed. That would indeed be freaking awful, endless promotion. It already felt like it, he thought. Once again his eyes fell on Taeyong, who was now coming to them. He was smiling brightly and it warmed Johnny’s heart. That one was for him.

“Running from the camera?”, he asked Yuta when he was close enough.

“Hell yes! Not that it will matter, they will find me soon”, Yuta grimaced. Taeyong found his place on the couch between Johnny and Ten. He literally had to force his way in, making Ten laugh out loud.

“The couch wasn’t big enough?”, Ten was giggling.

“This is my spot”, Taeyong responded, resting his head on Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny brought him closer, with an arm around his waist. It still wasn’t enough.

“Best spot!”, Ten was still smiling. “Yuta, hold me. I wanna be comfy too”, he extended his arms making grabby hands at the other.

“I am too worn-out to get up”, Yuta answered.

Johnny didn’t pay much attention to their banter. He heard Taeyong’s breath even out. The younger man had fallen asleep. Johnny felt himself dozing off as the warmth of the other’s body pressed to his lulled him to rest. Distantly he heard voices coming closer. Mark was probably approaching with his entourage and camera. Johnny didn’t want to open his eyes now that he felt relaxed, leaning his head on Taeyong’s, holding his hand on his lap.

“Our leader is tired, guys”. Mark stage whispered, probably to the thousands of fans watching them through their phones. “He did so well, don’t you think?” There was a collective hum of approval from the ones surrounding them. “Oh, yeah. Johnny hyung takes good care of him, don’t worry”. He giggled, probably answering to some comment on screen.

“They look cute like that”, he faintly heard Jungwoo say as sleep tugged at his conscience.

“They certainly do”, Yuta’s response was the last thing he heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a little in love with the Taeil I created, not gonna lie. No idea how the real one actually is.


	10. Missed You

“Are we gonna watch it?”, Lucas had his mouth full of ramyon, perched on a stool next to him in the kitchen counter.

“We never do, why would we?”, Jeno had his book open next to his bowl.

“Don’t know… to film reactions?”, Lucas insisted.

“Like the fans do on youtube…”, Haechan seemed down with the silly idea.

“Let’s make a crack video”, Jisung intervened. “NCT on Crack”, his eyes crinkled in a please grin.

“We are always on crack”, Lucas said, weirdly proud.

They all laughed. Johnny quite enjoyed the group’s antics over dinner. It had been a few days since the last time they gathered around to eat and talk. With promotions slowing down a bit, they finally had enough time to do it. Their first Saturday night at home in quite a while, as they had filmed their performance for today’s show earlier in the afternoon and were dropped at home with the promise not to be disturbed till Sunday morning.

Last week they got a trophy on Music Bank, everyone was super excited. Their first award as an ensemble. The group took most of the stage when announcements were in order; Johnny thought it was quite a sight. Today is the day they will air their appearance on Idol Room and some of the youngest members wanted to watch it together. Johnny couldn’t. He cringed too much whenever he showed up on screen for variety shows. It was a weird feeling that has lingered since his SM Rookies days.

“I think I’m gonna turn in early”, Johnny said getting up to do the dishes.

“’S cool”, Lucas had his mouth full again. “I’ll watch it, if anyone wants to join”. There were a few murmured agreements around mouthfuls of noodles. Johnny left to open space for anyone else who needed to join. The kitchen wasn’t big enough for all of them at once, so they were taking turns.

There was a light buzzing sound around the house. People getting in and out of bathrooms, someone watching TV, lots of conversation. It felt good, normal. Their big family was home for the weekend. Johnny went upstairs to try and find an empty bathroom. He went straight to his room to get his stuff, passing Mark on the hallway.

“Anyone in ours?”, he stopped the younger man.

“Yuta”, Mark nodded. “No one else waiting, though”, he threw over his shoulders as he made his way downstairs, probably to the kitchen.

Johnny took long strides to make sure he wouldn’t mess with his luck. One downside of this situation was how long it took for them to turn in. Sometimes he had to wait around forty minutes to get a chance to use his own bathroom and that because most of them usually preferred using the big one down the hall around the corner, across from Taeyong and Taeil’s room. He briefly considered stalking there just to check, but it probably had more members lining up.

The room he shared with Yuta and Mark was right in the middle of the hallway. They were lucky that it wasn’t big enough to shove other beds in when they had to all move together. Their tiny window and low ceiling were great excuses not to have bunker beds loitering around. His fast pace took him there in no time, but he stopped halfway in, noticing Taeyong sitting cross-legged, face glued to his phone screen on his bed. That was quite a view, Johnny thought. He was still in his makeup, loose t-shirt and tight jeans, barefoot. He was biting his lower lip, something he did when he was concentrating on something he was trying to figure out, dark burgundy hair tousled. Hot as fuck, if anyone asked Johnny.

“Hey there”, he said leaning on the door frame.

Taeyong looked up, smiling brightly when he saw Johnny there. “Hi”, his eyes twinkled and Johnny felt warmth spread all over. He was so done for. “Sorry to take your place, half of the house waiting in mine”.

“Nah… no worries”. Johnny closed the door, stepping into the room. “Is it just Yuta there?”, he asked tilting his head towards the closed bathroom door.

Taeyong frowned. “Yeah. Why would there be anyone else?”. Johnny locked the door and turned around smirking. “Oh!”, Taeyong grinned, putting down his phone and scooting up the bed so his back was to the wall. He had his arm stretched inviting Johnny, who didn’t hesitate for a second, one knee dipping the mattress beside Taeyong.

He gently caressed Taeyong’s cheeks, fingers tracing his still glossed lips. The kiss was languid at first, lips moving lazily but with intent. It wasn’t long before he poured into the kiss all the longing of the last couple of weeks. It hasn’t been enough. He wanted to touch, to hold, to feel Taeyong for more than the five seconds they usually had.

Taeyong moaned when he deepened the kiss, tongues meeting in one sensual and satisfying dance. His hands went up to Johnny’s hair pulling him down into the mattress, making him sit with one leg up, body almost flushed to Taeyong’s, betraying how much closer he wanted to be. His hands found Taeyong’s waist, as they always do, and he brought him even closer, lips moving from Taeyong's to his neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses, making the younger one arch his back slightly, breath caught in his throat.

“Fuck, I missed you”, Taeyong was breathless, hands still on his hair, holding him in place. Johnny hummed his agreement, nibbling his ear, making the other whimper when he licked the fair smooth exposed skin. “Youngho!”, Taeyong whined. Johnny smiled, pulling back to watch him. Taeyong had a soft loving expression that contrasted well with his even more disheveled hair, glistening lips and flushed cheeks.

“I missed you too”, it had been hard keeping his hands off of him. Taeyong cupped his face, drawing loving lines under his eyes, around his lips. “I thought of you, a lot”.

Taeyong smiled coyly, cheeks a light shade of pink. “Yeah? What did you think about?”

Johnny grinned. “Kissing you like this”, he followed his words with actions, an urgent kiss, heated move of lips and tongues, holding Taeyong’s lower lips between his teeth when the younger one made a small pleased sound at the back of his throat. “Touching you like this”, his hands roamed under Taeyong’s t-shirt, light touches wandering up his torso, tracing the lines of his chest. “Making you feel like this”, and his fingers circled Taeyong’s nipples under the fabric, firm enough to make him gasp in surprise before moaning into Johnny’s mouth when he kissed him again.

A surge of desire flashes through Johnny’s veins and he presses himself harder against the other. They are threading dangerous territory. A flurry of limbs and Taeyong is straddling him, hands still on his hair, tugging a bit more desperately as he kisses him hungrily. Johnny feels his whole body responding, heat pooling at his core. His hands wander down Taeyong's sides to his hips, then to his butt, plump and soft. Taeyong is sizzling under his touch, keening with every touch of tongue like he is surprised by his own reactions to their embrace.

Johnny vaguely hears a clearing throat sound and all of a sudden Taeyong’s warmth vanishes from his lap, as the other scurries to hide behind him. He turns towards the sound to find a wide-eyed Yuta, holding his toiletries and towel at the now opened bathroom door.

“Hum…”, Yuta seemed to be at a loss. Taeyong groaned into Johnny’s back. “You guys knew I was in here, right?”, he pointed to the steam filled bathroom.

“Yeah, sorry”, Johnny sighed. “I got… carried away”.

“Clearly”, Yuta huffed. Johnny was torn between throwing his pillow at his friend and using it to hide the quite obvious bulge in his jeans. He chose the latter, which made Yuta chortle. “Seriously?”. Johnny shrugged.

“Can we please move on so I don’t die of embarrassment?” was Taeyong’s muffled response. He was kneeling on the bed behind him, head buried on Johnny’s shoulders, holding his waist. Johnny laughed softly, turning to kiss the top of his messy hair. He was graced with one sparkly eye open and he felt his lips stretch into a smile over his skin.

“Soooo…”, Yuta finally found it in him to step out into the room. “Bathroom is free”. He crossed over to his bed, to put away his things, heading for the door afterwards. He stopped there and looked back at Johnny. “You locked the door”, he said incredulously.

“I… not for… you know”, Johnny stammered.

“Sure…”, Yuta was laughing. He unlocked it, but paused before opening. “You know, it would be smarter to use your bedroom. Taeil can just sleep here”.

“I came here to shower”, Taeyong said, disgruntled. “My bedroom was crowded”.

“Right”. Yuta still hesitated. He turned to face them, grinning from ear to ear. “Bathroom is free”, he wiggled his brows at them and left.

“Did he just tell us to have sex in the shower?”, Johnny asked, a bit baffled.

Taeyong groaned into his back again. “Like we would ever have time for that. Mark can come in any minute now”.

Johnny laughed more to hide his surprise than anything that Taeyong just took it in stride the idea of them having any kind of intimate relationship. Well, that should have been clear by the way he jumped to his lap earlier and the sounds he was making just… Jesus! Johnny shook his head. A shower would do him some good now.

“So… hum… you’ll shower”, he said clumsily. Taeyong sighed and got up, taking his things with him and putting his phone on Johnny’s nightstand. He sashayed towards the bathroom door, leaning on its frame and turning to look at Johnny.

“You’re coming?”, he gave Johnny the sultriest look ever. Wait, what? Johnny swallowed audibly, but hurried to join him, gracelessly closing the door behind him and locking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... well... cliffhanger... LOL
> 
> Not really, I just wanted to tease you guys. I'll have the second part up soon. The way I am this week, if I don't publish it, I'll delete it... trying to break that goddamn block
> 
> And I used the word "butt" for the first time ever writting pre-smutty stuff. This is how much I was taken aback with how fluffly this fic has turned out to be. LMAO


	11. Finding a Rhythm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old (writing) habits are hard to break... I put that tag back just in case.

Taeyong never felt so bold. He held Youngho close, hands roaming under his t-shirt, heart beating as fast as his own. The other traced every line on his body, fingers and tongue, burning his skin in the most pleasant way. When they kissed, it was almost as fierce as before. Their embrace was less desperate but it still made Taeyong feel like his whole body was on fire.

“Can I see you?”, he definitely felt bolder. He felt confident and safe. Johnny smiles softly at him, hands coming up to cradle his face and caress Taeyong’s lips with his thumbs. He leans down again for one more fiery kiss before pulling his t-shirt over his head, perfect ivory skin at the younger’s reach.

Taeyong draws the outlines of Johnny’s toned torso with light tentative fingers, marveling on how those muscles twitch with every caress. He looks up to see red luscious lips slightly parted, want and longing he feels himself reflected in those dark eyes inviting Taeyong to touch more, to kiss. The taller man is bracing himself on the bathroom sink, gripping the edges like he needs them to keep control.

Fingers still painting Johnny’s defined upper body, Taeyong presses a soft kiss to his lips as he gently rubs his brownish buds with his thumbs. Johnny’s breath catches and Taeyong can feel his heart racing. Encouraged, Taeyong kisses down his neck, giving his skin tiny licks, feeling the other shiver under his touch. A barely there flick of his tongue to his nipples makes Johnny moan softly. Taeyong closes his eyes and circles Johnny’s left nipple with his tongue as he gently presses his thumb to the other.

“Tae…”, he hears him breathlessly say his name, a broken sound colored with need. His hands scramble to hold Taeyong’s waist, as his whole body is covered in goosebumps. He feels Johnny trembling, arms strained like he is having a hard time keeping himself in check.

“You can touch me, you know”, he says when he changes from left to right, licking lazy circles around it, making the other moan again. Hands flew up to his hair, tugging gently and guiding him up. Johnny kissed him fiercely, holding him in place so that he couldn’t leave even if he wanted to.

He held the hem of Taeyong’s t-shirt waiting for permission. The youngest impatiently broke the kiss and pulled his t-shirt over his head, working his button opened and his zipper down, quickly kicking off his jeans. He stood there his obvious arousal outlined in black cotton of his boxers.

“Fuck…”, Johnny shakily breathed out, hungry eyes roaming his body.

“I thought that was the plan”, he mischievously teased, stepping back into the other’s arms, hungry to feel his skin against his own.

Johnny smirked, bringing him closer and kissing him passionately, both hands sliding down to grip his bottom. Taeyong practically purrs, bringing their bare chests together. Johnny pulls him harder against him, making the younger gasp when his groin rubbed at jean-clad thighs. His fingers tangled themselves in Johnny’s soft hair, heart pounding in his chest, as he repeated the motion once, twice… Taeyong’s head was spinning.

“Youngho…”, he exhaled, eyes falling closed. The friction was amazing, heat pooling at the pit of his stomach. Johnny swallows his pleas in a wet open-mouthed kiss, turning their bodies around with Taeyong now being pressed against the cold marble, his right thigh wedged between Taeyong’s legs not letting up on the delicious friction. He is unbearably hot, melting under firm hands.

Taeyong groans when Johnny grips his hair tight and pulls so he can feast himself on his neck. He licks and bites surely leaving a mark, making Taeyong shudder and gasp, grinding his hips in slow, long-drawn out circles. He forces to keep his movements at a sluggish pace, matching the other’s sensual rhythm. He is lazily climbing towards the edge, giving himself time to feel. A thumb finds his nipples and tugs, a dragged out moan escaping his parted lips. Johnny echoes his sentiment, growling deep over the abused skin.

“You’re so beautiful”, a muffled compliment as Johnny breathes down his neck. He shifts and Taeyong can feel his hardness unabashedly pressing down against his hips. His mouth latches onto a nipple, tongue circling the bud teasingly, just as Taeyong had done with him. “So pink”, he breathes over Taeyong’s skin, soft puffs of air making him feel mushy. But that wonderful friction keeping him on edge disappears suddenly. His mind is slow to process what is happening and it effectively comes to a halt as Johnny goes down on his knees, taking his boxers down with him and immediately covering his length with his mouth.

“Ooh my…”, he chokes on his words as he feels soft lips moving up and down, tongue circling the tip, making his legs wobble. Johnny holds him up and in place, making low pleased sounds as he proceeds to reduce Taeyong to a babbling mess. “Yes…Youngho… oh yes”, he keeps mumbling.

Taeyong’s vision is blurred, his senses dulled as the only thing he can focus is the heat enveloping him. Pleasure coils low in his body as Johnny worships him with every flick of his tongue. At the back of his head he drunkenly cheers himself for holding on. Johnny hollows his cheeks, swirling and sucking him into an indescribable froth of ecstasy. He rests his hand on Johnny’s hair. Velvety strands between his fingers. He doesn’t quite know if he is encouraging him or expressing his thanks. The slow pace can be maddening, but he feels free, lulled to a pleasure filled state.

In his daze, he faintly hears a knock at the door. That wonderful heat leaves him as Johnny pulls back to talk to whoever dared to disturb them. He doesn’t have time to get over whatever high he was riding as a smooth warm hand takes him, thumb circling and gathering precum. He hears mewling sounds, soft and distant. It takes him a few beats to realize it is him.

He blinks trying to focus his gaze. Johnny is back on his feet, face closer to his again. Taeyong cups his cheeks with one hand. The other hand travels south to his waistband. Johnny is still in his jeans and that is just not acceptable anymore. He kisses Taeyong languidly and quickly works on his button and fly, pulling his jeans and boxers past his knees, doing what the other had silently asked. Taeyong feels cold without Johnny’s touch. He tries to tug at his own erection, but his rhythm is too erratic. He feels almost light-headed with little muscled strength.

“Hey, I got you…”, Johnny tenderly coos at him. He effortlessly picks Taeyong up and brings him with him as he finds some place to sit down. Taeyong is now straddling him, a much more comfortable position. He whimpers frustrated with his lack of control as he tries and fails again to get the friction he so desperately needs back. Johnny laughs softly and kisses Taeyong’s cheeks resting their foreheads together. He gently takes his hands off and circles them both with his own, making Taeyong sigh in relief. His pace is infuriately slow again, but Taeyong is not having it anymore. He takes Johnny’s hair gathering his strength and licks a strip up his neck.

“Make me come”, he whispers to his ear, moving his hips up to heighten the sensations. “I need you”, he moans throwing his head back as the other picks up the pace.

The air is thick with arousal around them, bathroom walls echoing grunts and whimpers. The slick sound of skin against skin in a frenzied chase for completion fills Taeyong’s ears. Tremors overtake his body, Johnny’s hands grinding his nerves into hazy, unavoidable pleasure again. The pace is now unrelenting and Taeyong can feel himself on the brink. Johnny kisses him, sloppy and inconsistent. With a helpless cry, Taeyong is overcome by a blinding orgasm, white covering their stomachs as he lets himself fall limply on Johnny’s shoulders.

“Fuck Taeyong…”, Johnny’s hoarse murmur comes through his foggy mind as the other loses his rhythm, letting Taeyong go as he kept chasing his own release. The younger man droopily puts his hand over the other's erection, lazily circling the tip and pressing a thumb down. “Fuck”, Johnny huffs as his orgasm hits him, once more painting their bodies.

Taeyong buried his face on Johnny’s neck, placing soft kisses there at every shallow breath taken. He feels energy coming back to his limbs unhurriedly and he throws his arms around the other’s neck. He closes his eyes and lets himself be lulled by their heartbeats.

 

***

 

For some time they stay there, in silence. Johnny’s hand softly threading into Taeyong’s hair, kissing the younger’s forehead and whispering endearments from time to time. His back starts to complain about the extra weight it is carrying after a few moments. He nudges Taeyong’s sides tenderly.

“Hey, you asleep?”, he asks, voice still low. Taeyong slowly blinks his eyes open. A lazy content smile graces his lips.

“Hi”, he sleepily says, kissing Johnny’s cheeks. He tightens his arms around him, humming low as he nuzzles Johnny’s neck, almost lethargic.

Johnny hugs him back, a bit uncomfortably, bodies sticky as they are still covered in fluids. “We need to shower”.

“Humm…”, Taeyong doesn’t seem to be all back yet, drawing circles with his fingers on Johnny’s chest, head resting on his shoulders. “Why are we on the toilet?”, he asks moving his head back up to look at him.

“I… hum… bathroom. Nowhere else to sit”, Johnny shrugs. Taeyong giggles and cups his cheeks, lovingly tracing his features. “Are you ok?”, Johnny squeezes his tigh.

The red haired man nods. “Yeah, I feel… great”, his smile reaches his eyes. “You?”

Johnny can’t hold back his chuckle. “God, yes. Never better”. Taeyong kisses him one more time. “But, seriously…shower”, he looks down at the mess between them.

Taeyong follows his gaze, nodding. “Well, this is uncomfortable”, he giggles again.

They get up and Johnny finally steps out of his jeans and boxers, making them both laugh at the less than sexy sight. Taeyong gets in the shower and beckons Johnny to join him. They don’t exactly have a lot of space, but it is enough. The lukewarm water hits Johnny’s back as he is closing the curtains. Hands come around his torso as Taeyong rests his head on his back.

“Next time, can we please be lying down?”, his voice is muffled.

“Sure…”, Johnny laughs. He turns around in the other's arms, kissing the top of his head.

They wash each other caringly between light kisses and warm cuddles. Taeyong asks to wash Johnny’s hair, something the taller man can’t refuse. It is something sensual, yet cozy, as they casually touch each other’s bodies under the spray. Johnny steps out first, taking his towel to dry himself. He hands it to Taeyong once he is finished and uses this time to brush his teeth at the sink. He sees Taeyong looking at him through the mirror.

“What is it?”

“Nothing…”, Taeyong smiles. “You’re just… you are really handsome, you know?”.

“Am I?”, Johnny can’t help but smile as well. He pulls Taeyong towards him, kissing his temple. “Thank you, Tae”. He puts the towel Taeyong had been using to dry his hair around his waist and takes another one that was lying around (probably Yuta’s) and does the same.

There is a knock at the door. “Hyung, are you two done now?”. It is Ten’s voice. Taeyong’s eyes widen comically. Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose… right. He forgot about that.

“Yeah, just a moment”, he shouts through it. He looks at Taeyong at a loss of words.

“Someone knocked before”. Taeyong’s shocked face should not be as funny as it is. Johnny just nods. “Was it Ten?”. He shook his head and sighed.

“It was Mark…before”, he answered lowering himself to the floor, next to Taeyong.

Taeyong sat down on the toilet. “Fuck…”, echoing what could probably have been Johnny’s sentiment at that first moment, but he had been too busy to care. “What are we gonna say?”

“Hum… the truth?”, Johnny knew that wasn’t what the other wanted to hear. “We weren’t exactly quiet, Tae”.

“Right…”, Johnny wants to hold back his laughter at the flummoxed expression on the other’s face, but it is quite difficult. That earns him a slap on his arm. “Don’t laugh”, but Taeyong is smiling as well.

“C’mon”, he got up and unlocked the door. “Let’s do this”, he reached his hand out. Taeyong took it, getting behind him.

Ten jumped back when he opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. He looked around to find Yuta sitting cross-legged on his own bed, nonchalantly scrolling through his phone. Mark was sitting on Johnny’s bed, a frown marring his face. Ten was two steps to his side, grinning from ear to ear. Johnny noticed that the bedroom door was locked.

“I tried explaining when Mark came to me, but honestly he isn’t as smart as he seems”, Yuta said without taking his eyes from the screen. Mark shot him a stinky look.

“How long have you three been here?”, Taeyong asked, still hiding behind Johnny.

“We just came back”, Ten answered quickly.

“Yeah, I dragged Mark out after he decided he had to knock on the door to see if you were ok”, Yuta was looking at him now, amusement coloring his voice.

“Ok… so”, Johnny wanted to say something, but Mark’s frown was a bit intimidating.

“You guys are like… dating?”, Ten asked excitedly.

“How can you be so into it?”, were Mark’s first words.

“How can you not?”, Ten shot back, annoyance lacing his tone.

“I… don’t know?”, Mark looked at them both. Taeyong was next to him now, still holding his hand. Mark’s eyes went from their hands up, to their half-naked state. He sighed heavily. “I really don’t know how to process this”.

Ten rolled his eyes. “This isn’t about you”.

“Alright, that’s enough”, Johnny said calmly but firmly. All three men were looking at him. “Yes, Taeyong and I are dating”. Ten’s smirk grew ten times bigger than his own face. Yuta choked a bit on his laughter. Mark just looked at them dumbfounded. “You are not supposed to tell anyone”, he shrugged.

“Ok”, Mark said after a few beats. He got up and went to his bed. “Are you sleeping here, hyung?”, he asked looking at Taeyong.

“What? No!”, he was taken aback.

“Damn it. Taeil snores”, Mark huffed as he took his phone from his bedside table.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave”, Ten said. “I would hug you but you’re all naked”. He waved at them and left.

“Well… that went… well?”, Taeyong was adorably confused.

“Don’t dwell on it”, Johnny started gathering their things on the bathroom floor. Taeyong took his stuff from Johnny’s bed and nightstand.

He looked back at Johnny holding the door handle. “I’ll miss you”, he whispered.

Johnny stepped closer and kissed him gently on the lips. “Me too”.

“Gross!”, Yuta yelled, playfully. Johnny flipped him the bird as Taeyong left, closing the door behind him.

“You could ask Taeil to sleep here tonight, like dumbass here thought you would”, Yuta said pointing to Mark, who just threw his pillow at him.

Johnny shook his head. They had too many emotions for one night. It was better this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A dear virtual friend told me that if I wanted to break that goddamn block I had to write smut. So I did... let's hope it works.
> 
> I put it in my head that there were certain words I just couldn't use with these two. I'm crazy, yeah, I know. So this is the result after a few vocabulary searches...lol
> 
>  


	12. The way we feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.... smut worked for something else (had two new ideas)... I am still struggling here. However, writing this fic is like comfort food to the soul. I like the fluffiness, so here it is... good feelings all around, guys!

Light was coming through the curtains as they swayed in the light breeze. It was going to be another lazy Sunday morning. No schedules, no one to hoard them around. Taeyong felt content, it was the best night of sleep he had in days. He stretched out of his covers, smiling as he recalled exactly why he was so relaxed.

“You’re finally awake”, he heard Taeil say from somewhere in the room.

“What time’s it?”, Taeyong really wanted to keep indulging on his laziness. There was some shuffling behind him.

“Half past ten”, Taeil answered. Taeyong turned towards him. His hyung was wearing practice clothes, bed already made. He frowned.

“We don’t have schedule today”, he knows their appointments by heart. “Nor we have practice”.

Taeil chuckled, he bent down to pick something up. “Cleaning the dorm”, he held a broom in his hand.

“What?”, Taeyong shot up from his bed. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Ten insisted. He said you worked too hard”, Taeil smirked. “Yuta backed him up”. Taeyong could feel his cheeks heating up. Taeil’s grin broadened. “Mark wasn’t so keen on letting Johnny sleep though”, Taeil laughed. “Punishment or something”

“Is everyone awake but me?”, Taeyong was already making his bed. If he did things fast enough, he could get to the kitchen before the others had finished and make them some lunch.

“Pretty much”, Taeil went back to sweeping. Taeyong bit his lips to refrain from pointing out that that wasn’t going to be very effective with the kind of floorboards they had. He was the neat freak, but he wasn’t the one doing the hard work this time.

He made a beeline to the bathroom as soon as he was finished with his bed, going through ingredients and recipes in his mind to figure out what he could make them. The house was buzzing with excitement. Apparently Taeyong had been dead to the world because the noises weren’t subtle. Loud conversation, clinking sounds and a lot of laughter surrounded him as soon as he walked down the corridor. Johnny’s bedroom door was ajar, lots of cleaning products piling on the threshold. He peeked inside. All three beds were made and there were some clattering coming from the opened bathroom.

“Hey there”, he said over the noise. Johnny’s head peeked out, dark silky hair falling over his eyes. He smiled brightly when he saw Taeyong standing there.

“Morning sleepyhead”, he stepped out taking off the rubber gloves he was wearing. His white t-shirt was clinging to his chest, sweat pants hanging sinfully low on his body. He looked utterly delectable.

“Why are you doing this alone?”, he gestured to the spotless room in from of him.

“Punishment”, Johnny shrugged. “Not sure if it is for deflowering the leader or scarring Mark for life, though”.

Taeyong’s eyebrows shot up. “You haven’t deflowered me”, he made air quotes. “Yet”, he added with a smirk and a wink.

Johnny’s laugh was equal parts surprised and amused. “Baby, you tell them that”. Taeyong swallowed hard. He felt his body tingle nicely, heart picking up the pace. That felt… really nice. “What?”, Johnny seemed to pick up on something.

“I… you…”, Taeyong was tong-tied. He closed the door behind him, pushing a few bottles that he hoped were capped to the ground. “Baby… you called me baby”.

“Oh…”, Johnny seemed to be taken aback. “I’m sorry?”

“No! I… I like it”, Taeyong smiled shakily. Such a simple cliché word made him feel wanted… he was sappy, Taeil was right.

Johnny beamed at that, closing the distance between them. His smile was warm, Taeyong loved it. His lips, his eyes, the tip of his nose, his sharp lines… Taeyong loved everything. God, he was so freaking sappy.

“You are my boyfriend, right?”, Johnny was close, right hand cupping Taeyong’s cheeks.

“I guess I am”, he grinned. He really loved that. Johnny kissed the tip of his nose, hand sliding to his neck to pull his lips closer. The kiss was slow and soft, reassuring in ways that words couldn’t be. Taeyong’s hands work their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect figure. He can get used to this every morning; he practically craves it just from having it once.

“I wish I could have woken up next to you”, Johnny’s lips hovered over his, bangs almost covering his closed eyes. Taeyong buried his hands on the ebony cottony strands. Johnny hugged him tight, breathing down his neck.

“We’ll get to that”, he wished everyone knew already. At home they could be free. He felt an urge to go around the house screaming like a mad man that he was in love with Youngho. He held Johnny closer, heart skipping a beat. His head has been going that way a lot this morning. Love. He was in love. He closed his eyes and breathed in the calming presence of the taller man. They stayed there for a few moments until Johnny stepped back, but still at Taeyong’s reach.

“Can we just get to the middle of the living room and make out as a way of showing people we are together? Sneaking around and telling people slowly is gonna drive me crazy”.

Damn it, Youngho, Taeyong thought. Was he a mind reader? Taeyong just laughed and brought him back to a quick kiss. His hands roamed Johnny’s frame, light loving touches. He was sweaty and sticky, but Taeyong didn’t care. Oh, Taeil was so so right about him.

A soft knock on the door startled them. Johnny stepped back and Taeyong opened it to find Mark standing there, holding a bucket.

“I’m glad I knocked”, his relieved expression was comical.

“You know we don’t just go around humping each other’s legs anywhere we are, right?”, Johnny shot over his shoulders before getting back to his cleaning duties.

 “You could have fooled me”, Mark said, sarcastically.

“We kinda did”, Taeyong felt cheeky, “for weeks”. He walked out of the way to let the other get in.

The younger raised his eyebrows. “Touché, hyung”.

He left them to their doings and went straight to the kitchen. He was in an exceptionally good mood. Bibimbap. Yeah, that screamed of home and warm feelings. He could probably find everything he needed without sending anybody out for groceries.

 

***

 

“Hyung, you should cook everyday”, Sicheng enthusiastically said in between forkfuls of food. Everyone around the table hummed their agreement.

“I wish I could”, Taeyong smiled, genuinely. It was such a beautiful, warm smile. Johnny loved how his eyes lighten, crinkling at the corners, his whole face glowing with happiness and encouraging others to smile in response. Every time it happened he felt like he needed to hold him close, kiss his temple and breathe in his scent. He had to keep that gorgeous expression going and lighting up the room. He felt incredibly silly, elated.

Johnny has to shake his head to come back to reality. Taeil is knowingly smirking from across the dining table where they have gathered for lunch. The dorm was as spotless as it could get, all of them having worked hard while Taeyong cooked. The members were spiritedly chatting about their comeback, visiting family members, food, parties, anything and everything. The companionship they shared at moments like this was precious to Johnny.

“So, have you seen your exclusive footage, hyung?”, Jisung asked without bothering to swallow his food first.

“No”, Taeyong groaned, picking on the rest of his rice. “Is it bad?”

 “You look really good. You’re very beautiful, hyung”, was the maknae’s reply.

“Did I make a fool of myself?”, Taeyong asked, blushing a bit because of the comment.

“Hum…” Jisung hesitated. The youngest exchanged looks with Jungwoo and Ten, making Johnny frown. “No nose picking or anything like that”, he smiled tentatively.

Taeyong didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary as he gathered the last of their dishes and fell back to the kitchen. Jungwoo, Ten and Jisung left for the living room. Johnny followed behind them.

“Let me see”, he asked Jisung; gesturing for the phone the youngest was holding. He searched the site and put on the video. “So, what made you three hesitate?”, Johnny started watching the footage uploaded to Idol room’s official Vlive profile. They all moved to the window seat, farthest from the rest of their housemates.

“It is nothing serious, hyung”, Jungwoo said and Jisung murmured his agreement. The first video started with Taeyong being picked and saying hello to his exclusive camera. It wasn’t an uncut version of their day at the studio.

“It really isn’t if you don’t know what you are looking for”, Ten added. That made Johnny look up.

“What do you mean?”, Ten knew now about him and Taeyong. Was he talking about that?

“So, hum…” Jisung paused. “Please don’t be made at us, hyung, but we made a bet”.

“A bet…”, Johnny encouraged him to keep going.

“I… we… you and Taeyongie hyung are quite close, right? And these last few weeks you two are like… always together”, Jungwoo blurted out. “We were talking about that when we watched the show with Lucas, you know?”

“Lucas hyung joked that you would show up a lot in the exclusive camera because you were glued to Taeyong that day and we looked up the footage because we bet the number of minutes we would see you too”, Jisung chimed in.

“Ok, that is nothing out of the ordinary for us”, Johnny scrolled through the short video clips. “We do this dumb shit all the time”.

“You are literally in all of them”, Jisung laughed.

“Really?”, Johnny smiled. He was looking at one particularly long clip. It was probably right after the break. Johnny was behind a seated Taeyong, hands on his hips. The younger one was leaning on him, paying attention to whatever the members were doing center stage. Johnny didn’t see their break conversation uploaded anywhere. That had certainly been cut.

“Fans will love it hyung”, Jungwoo added. “You know, those shipping videos they make of us”, Jungwoo winked at him. Johnny raised his eyebrow. “That I totally don’t watch, no…nope”, Jungwoo reddened a bit.

“You watch fan videos of Taeyong and me?”, Johnny teased.

“I watch a lot of crap when I am bored”, Jungwoo grunted, scratching the back of his head.

Johnny laughed. “Well, those are nothing to worry about guys”, he handed Jisung’s phone back to him.

“We said it was nothing”, the youngest smiled and left for the stairs. Jungwoo followed.

“Do you think anybody will notice the puppy dog eyes Taeyongie is giving you?”, Ten asked once they were alone.

“Puppy dog?”, Johnny smirked sitting at his favorite spot.

“You know…”, Ten smiled back. “He does seem quite smitten if you ask me, but as I said, I know what I am looking for”, he nudged Johnny, sitting beside him.

“I’m just glad they don’t show my face. That would be a dead giveaway”. Johnny rested his head on the cool glass.

“Why is that?”

“I am so in love it fucking hurts”, Johnny sighed, closing his eyes. He was, wasn’t he? His sappy thoughts and fluttering feelings every time he even looked at Taeyong were a sign he had fallen and fallen hard. He glanced at Ten when he fell silent. He had a huge grin on his face. “What?”. Johnny couldn’t help but smile back.

“Nothing… it is just… I’m happy for you”, Ten shrugged. He mimicked Johnny, resting his head on the window. “To be honest, a few of us had been wondering for quite some time now”.

“For real?”, that notion certainly surprised Johnny.

“Yeah… we joked around sometimes”, Ten looked at him, “we tend to say crazy stuff when we are tired and bored”.

“Sorry for being so obvious”, Johnny chuckled.

“Between the two of you, don’t know who is worst”, Ten laughed getting up.

He left Johnny alone to his own thoughts. The street was quiet outside; there wasn’t a soul to distract him from his feelings. They were simple, yet overwhelming. He knew exactly what it was, yet he wasn’t sure if it changed anything. He sighed heavily. Well, he just had to keep on going, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ignoring my draft for this fic and just going with the flow. Maybe it will work out in the end.


	13. Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hum... it is an update... yay?

“I like this”, Johnny’s voice is muffled by the skin of his neck. His warm breath sends shivers down his spine. “I like this very much”

“Yeah”, breath escapes his throat in a squeaky sigh when Johnny’s hand caressed lower, touching him under his sweatpants. “Me too…aah”, Taeyong can’t keep a moan from escaping.

They had fallen asleep on his bed last night as they watched a movie on his laptop. Taeil either left during the night or woke up early, as he wasn’t in the bedroom anymore. Waking up next to Johnny made Taeyong’s heart flutter. He had tenderly combed through the silky dark hair as the other was waking up from his slumber.

Sexy sleepy Youngho was too much to resist and he had pressed his lips to his smile, savoring those smooth lips he loved so much. Johnny’s tongue had swept over Taeyong’s and it felt like heaven, making him hungry. He was hot, fiery, frantic and demanding and Johnny let him ravish his mouth for a long time, only soft touches and content sighs coming from the man under him. Then he just rolls Taeyong over to lie on top of him, pinning him down as he runs his lips up and down his neck and that’s how they were in this predicament.

“You always smell so good”, Johnny says as he slides down his torso, the tip of his nose touching Taeyong skin. Carefully and delicately he places open mouth kisses and small nibbles on his nipples, hand pressing down and drawing smooth circles below his waistband. Taeyong’s mind goes fuzzy and he can’t stop himself as he arches into Johnny's body.

“Aah… Youngho…ungh”, he covers his mouth with his fist. “The… mmmh…the d-door… oooh”, Johnny twists his wrists in the most delicious way, making him throw his head back, a loud moan echoing in the room.

Taeyong’s fingers tangle into the smooth locks almost holding Johnny in his place and above his power to control himself he rotates his hips up into Johnny’s palm. His eyes are wide open yet he almost sees nothing, the sensation taking over him. Johnny’s lips are still around his nipples, sucking on it almost lewdly, grunting against the skin.

“Th-the door is unlocked”, he manages to rush the words out, but Johnny muffles any other words or sounds he makes with a deep passionate kiss. Taeyong closes his eyes, lost in the moment. All of a sudden, the hand torturing him disappears together with Johnny’s warmth. He opens his eyes dazed and confused. He hears a click and sees that the other had gotten up to lock the door.

Johnny’s hair is an absolute raven mess, gorgeous lips red with overuse… and he is visibly turned on. Taeyong thinks he is stunning like this. Eyes dark and intense, Johnny pulls his t-shirt over his head and undoes the string in his pajama. Taeyong sits up on the bed, beckoning him forward. Sultry look on his face, Johnny walks up to him gripping his hair tight and guiding him up on his knees, kissing him fiercely.

Taeyong runs his hand over his abdomen and around his waist, pulling his pants down until he can feel his hands full with round smooth skin and taut muscle. He squeezes as they kiss, desperately trying to pull him closer, searching for that delightful friction between their bodies. Johnny chuckles into his mouth, stepping away from him long enough to push his pajamas all the way down and stepping out of it.

Taeyong is graced with a full view of Johnny’s perfect body. He licks and bites his lips in anticipation, wanting to touch every inch of him. In a heartbeat Johnny is back ravishing his mouth, taking his clothes off and lowering him down on the bed again. He kisses down Taeyong’s body, but pushes himself up sitting between his now slightly spread legs.

“Have you…”, he trailed off, panting a little. One second ago he was confident and sexy, now he just looked unsure.

It took Taeyong a few beats to calm his breathing and catch on to what Johnny meant. “No”, he shook his head.

“Not even a girl?”

“No… and don’t look at me like that”. He lifted himself up and sat on his heels.

“Sorry”, Johnny was hesitant. “I just realized I don’t really know what I’m doing… you know…with a man”

“You seemed ok a few nights ago”, Taeyong smiled cheekily.

“Yeah”, Johnny scratched his head. “If we want… more… I…”, Taeyong’s sigh cut Johnny off. He moved up the bed to reach his nightstand drawer. Johnny observed him curiously. He scotched back closer to him, taking his hand and pressing a small bottle of lube to it.

“I can guide you through it. I have… hum… tried things before”, he blushed a little. “By myself”, he quickly added when Johnny’s eyebrows shot high.

Johnny leaned in and kissed him gently. “Don’t let me hurt you, baby”, he pleaded.

“You won’t”, Taeyong knows that.

He deepens the kiss as they chase their rhythm again. Johnny drags his teeth along his lower lip sucking until it rolls thick, swollen between his own and Taeyong moans. He dips first one, than two gentle fingers into his core, burning sensation giving way to indescribable pleasure. Taeyong sees Johnny swallow him whole and cries out his bliss clutching the sheets near his hips. Taeyong feels everything in a daze, body moving at its own accord chasing the thrill until it is too much, until he loses control.

“Aah…Youngho..mmh”, Taeyong wants to tell him to stop, that he is close, but all he can do is close his eyes and feel. Johnny doesn’t stop. Mouth, unrelenting. Fingers, merciless. The pressure that had been building inside Taeyong is finally released, and waves of pleasure flow over him. He swears he sees starts behind closed eyelids as his mind goes blank for a moment or two, body limply falling back to bed.

Johnny lies beside him. He buries his face in Taeyong’s neck and takes a deep breath. They stay like that for minutes, maybe it was more than that. Taeyong’s heart finds its rhythm again and his eyes flutter open. Johnny is watching him, smile curving the corner of his lips.

“I thought you would…” he starts.

Johnny chuckles a little. “Hum… no condom”, he blushed. “This is not my bedroom, I don’t know where things are”. Taeyong can’t stop the giggles from finding their way up. They are a mess.

“I love you”, he says without thinking. His heart stops. Shit. He tries to look anywhere but at Johnny.

He feels a hand on his cheek, turning his face for a soft kiss. “I love you too, Tae”

And isn’t that the definition of happiness?

 

***

 

As Thursday night rolled in, Taeyong found himself on Johnny’s bed, resting comfortably on his chest after an invigorating shower. He could feel the rumble of his laughter as Yuta told some stupid joke. Taeyong loved that they could talk about anything and everything with their friend. Yuta and Taeil seem to be the most comfortable around them. Except maybe Ten… he was something else. Come to think of it, that only left Mark out. Poor boy still didn't seem sure how to process their relationship, but he was so respectful.

Taeyong had slipped into a sense of normalcy every time they were around people who knew about them. He was tricked into believing everything was right, that they could do this. He loved all the intense moments and the gentle ones. He liked exploring new things with Youngho, but also just taking that spot he loves near the window in the living room and talking for hours or until they were called for work, or something else. However, he was constantly aware that he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Nothing could be quite as perfect as it had been the last few days.

Johnny caresses his sides to call his attention. “Everything ok? You’re so quiet”.

“Sorry”, he smiled at him, kissing his chin. “I was thinking about… stuff”

“Oh, c’mon, I’m still in the room”, Taeil pretend gasped.

“Ha ha… you are so funny, hyung”, Taeil is always making lewd suggestions around them.

“Well, Johnny once said that voyeurism was a thing”, Yuta winked at them. Taeil just threw a pillow at his face.

The sound of heavy footsteps stops their bickering. “Jesus, who is trying to sink the ground?”, Yuta is getting up when the door flies open.

“Is it true?”, Doyoung seemed a little out of breath. He was holding his phone in a death grip. Jungwoo appeared behind him, worrying his bottom lip, looking at Doyoung wide-eyed.

“What is?”, Taeyong asked, sitting up. Johnny followed, keeping Taeyong close to his chest, hands still on his hip.

“What they put up”, he throws his phone on the bed. “I know you two are close and fans like it, so you do things for the camera. But this was during a break. Just tell me it was a joke and I’ll believe you”.

Taeyong took the phone. It was opened on a profile of some kind. He scrolled the screen reading the text. It was about him and Johnny and how they were hiding a relationship… with each other. There were many still-shots from the day they filmed Idol Room. The last one was a gif. Johnny behind him, holding him by the waist, lips on his ears like he was whispering something. Under it was an audio player.

“Play it…”, Doyoung huffed. Taeyong looked at Taeil. The eldest was impassive.

“Just play it, Tae”, he said calmly.

Taeyong hit play. Static came through the speakers, distant conversation could be heard. Then his voice suddenly became clearer. _I blame you and your big moth_. Taeyong’s heart stopped. Someone had recorded during the break. _Last time I checked, you quite liked it_. Youngho, shit. _You two quit being so goddamn obvious_. It was Taeil’s voice, clear as day.

The audio ended. Everyone was silent. Doyoung looked at them expectantly. “How did you find this?”, Yuta asked,  a little worried.

“Hum… I was bored and searching for… hum… crap”, Jungwoo was hidden behind Doyoung, still on the threshold hesitant. “I was showing it to Jisungie and Doyoung hyung just took the phone from my hand”.

“I wouldn’t come to you if you haven’t been acting weird lately. Just tell me it isn’t true”, he pleaded.

Taeyong was ready to say it was a silly joke among them. He knew Taeil would back anything he said. Before he could stop himself he was saying “It is true”. He heard Johnny’s intake of breath and Taeil muttered “well, fuck me” next to him. Doyoung seemed utterly taken aback and Jungwoo was just plain confused.

“True?”, Jungwoo had stepped into the room. “As in…?”

Taeyong sighed. “As in we are in fact together”. He saw Yuta facepalm from the corner of his eye. Well, it is done now.

“Oh… oooh!”, it seemed to have finally dawned on Jungwoo.

“This is wrong”, Doyoung huffed.

“Excuse me”, Taeyong was miffed. Johnny’s hand held him a bit tighter. “I don’t think I like your tone”.

“Well, I don’t think I like you being a fag”, Doyoung sneered.

Johnny shot off bed so quickly Taeyong almost fell backwards. Doyoung was one of the tallest in the group, but now Johnny towered over him, menacing. Taeyong couldn’t see his face, but he saw the tension in his back.

“Say that again”, his voice was dangerously low.

Taeyong was quite shocked and more than a little bit hurt with Doyoung’s reaction, but Johnny seemed ready to pound him to the ground. He got up and took his hand. “Youngho, please”, he whispered.

“Say you’re sorry”, he squeezed Taeyong’s hand without moving or taking his eyes from Doyoung.

Doyoung looked like he was going to defy him, but he looked at Taeyong. He stared at him a moment, than averted his eyes. “Sorry”, he was inspecting the floor. His frame was as tense as Johnny’s , but the latter had the upper hand somehow.

“I’m sorry Taeyoungie. He didn’t mean it”, Jungwoo intervened. Doyoung just huffed. One last look at everyone in the room, he left as heavily as he had arrived.

Taeyong sagged back at Johnny’s bed. “Here I was thinking that everything would be ok”. Johnny sat next to him, kissing the top of his head.

“One problem at a time”, Yuta said. “How did this” he looked at Jungwoo’s phone “ _tsunderetae_ person got their hands on this audio?”

The other shoe had dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok ok. I put ten names in a bag, closed my eyes and picked one. Don't hate me.
> 
> This is how I am deciding the plot now... picking tiny pieces of paper out of bags... and flipping coins.  
> (and I felt the urge to write early morning fluff...that ended up turning into smut quite fast... like two lines in)
> 
>  
> 
> NOTE (December, 3rd, 2018)  
> Guys, I'll post the next chapter soon. I am really sorry it is taking so long. I got sick, and than there was work... not much time for writing. Just hang in there a little bit more.


	14. We Love, We Learn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hum... hi. Let's read the chapter first, explanations later. :)

It had been an awkward week, to say the least. Johnny had watched Doyoung like a hawk, afraid he was going to say or do something to upset Taeyong even further. The young man tried to smile the whole time they were with the other members. Johnny knew it was his stage happy face, the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

They went about their duties as usual, as much as they could. Yuta and Jungwoo monitored social media for any mentions of a scandal. So far, no one had seen it. Mark suggested alerting management to see if they could possibly get it deleted, but Taeil was against it.

“It would call too much attention to the profile”, he had said. “So far, nobody seems interested in this _tsunderetae_ person”

“But what if people start spreading this?”, Mark countered.

“Fuck me if I really know what to do here, but talking about this with manager-nim is probably gonna cause Tae and Johnny some trouble”, Yuta had added.

Johnny knew he should worry about the audio. He knew it could be bad if it reached the majority of the public or any gossip magazine out there. However, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. The world could blow up on its own, Taeyong was heartbroken and Johnny didn’t know how to fix it. He was pretty sure murdering Doyoung would make things worse, but that was all he could come up with.

“Why the sour face, hyung?”, Jaehyun asked when they had a break in the practice room.

“Just tired”, Johnny sighed. He was trying not to stare at Taeyong curled up with his phone on the opposite side of the room. Alone.

“You’re worried”, Jaehyun said matter-of-factly. Johnny just raised his eyebrows. “Well, you are”, Jaehyun shrugged.

“And how would you know that?”

“We do work together… and things don’t always go smoothly”, Jaehyun scrunched his nose.

“Well… yeah. It is that damn party tonight”, Johnny wasn’t lying. It was half the truth. They had the dreaded KBS party to attend. Taeyong, himself, Ten and Yuta… and Doyoung, a place full of unfamiliar faces, sitting close together on the same table. He got comfort in knowing that the people that support Taeyong outnumbered those who didn’t. The one who didn’t.

“Now you’re angry”, Jaehyun whispered.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be…”, he didn’t finish his sentence. He saw from the corner of his eye Doyoung walk directly to Taeyong. Johnny jumped to his feet and made a beeline to where he seated on the other side of the room. Yuta and Ten got there first, plopping themselves down on the floor next to Taeyong.

“I just want to talk”, he heard Doyoung say when he got closer.

“Well, anything you want to say, you can do it while we are here”, Ten smiled up at him. That was one devilish smile. Johnny was waiting for the fangs to grow.

“This is stupid”, Doyoung said exasperated. Johnny placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a bit harder than necessary.

“Everything all right here?”, he asked looking around.

“Peachy”, Yuta grunted.

“Taeyong hyung, I just wanna talk”, Doyoung said.

“Well, talk”, Johnny said before Taeyong could say anything. “You don’t really believe we’ll let you be alone with him, do you?”, Johnny wasn’t sure, but he could have sworn Doyoung looked hurt by his words.

“Fine, be like this”, Doyoung shoved Johnny’s hand off him and walked away. Even though they hadn’t really been loud, a few members were looking at them now. Jaehyun was frowning from across the room, Mark and Jungwoo were wide-eyed and Jisung just looked confused.

“Why?”, Taeyong asked quietly, getting up and putting his phone on his back pocket.

“Why what?”, Johnny asked, still looking at Doyoung’s retreating.

“Why are you trying so hard to be the jerk?”, Johnny yanked his head back so fast he almost hurt his neck. Taeyong was sadly looking at him.

“What the fuck Tae! He…”

“He is our brother, Youngho”, Taeyong cut him off. “We are family, remember?”. He sighed and shook his head. “I need some air”, he walked out of the room.

“Hum… I think we messed up”, Ten dumbly stated. Yuta just hummed his agreement.

“Good one, Johnny boy”, Taeil patted his back when he joined them.

“I don’t get it”, Johnny was dumbfounded. Taeil just shook his head. “Really, someone explain”.

“You can be so dense sometimes”, Taeil sighed. “Taeyong isn’t an aggressive person. Why would you think he would want his boyfriend to be?”, he threw over his shoulders as he crossed the room to join Sicheng.

“Shit”, Yuta stood up. “We are three dumbasses”, he facepalmed.

“Hyung, you’re in trouble”, Ten said apologetically.

“Well…fuck”. Yes, yes he was.

 

***

 

It was tiring having so many people to mess with his hair and do his make up and choose his clothes. Especially when he didn’t want to go anywhere. They were getting ready for the dinner event and Johnny envied those who would have a night off. He said he would go to this party to help Taeyong, but now the guy isn’t even looking at him. He needed a moment alone with him, but it seemed impossible with half the staff walking around the house.

“Hyung, I think Taeil hyung wants to talk to you”, Mark said when he entered the room. The stylist noona had just left. “They gave you shoes this time around”, the boy grinned. Johnny was wearing something similar to the photoshoot.

“No socks”, Johnny grunted.

“Well, can’t win them all”, Yuta cackled behind him. “Just get to Taeil before he comes here to lecture you”

“Again? I already know how horrible I am”, Johnny sighed, but left the room anyway.

Taeil and Taeyong’s door was closed when he got there, so he knocked. There was some shuffling behind the door and then Taeil opened it slightly.

“Alone?”, he asked.

“Hum… yeah”, he is one weird hyung.

“Good”, he fully opened the door and pulled Johnny inside. “Lock it behind me”, he said getting out. “No crying, remember the make up”. He closed the door.

Johnny stared at it for a few beats, flabbergasted. He did what Taeil told him and locked it before turning around. Taeyong was sitting on the edge of his bed. He had his eyes downcast, hugging his pillow. Johnny sighed, running his hand through his hair, effectively ruining whatever style had been put on it. He walked towards Taeyong, kneeling in front of him, trying to make him meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry”, he sighed. “I was angry, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I was stupid, I shouldn’t have pushed Doyoung away like that. I should have talked to you about it. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I love you, please don’t hate me”.

Taeyong raised his eyebrow. “Straight to the point, huh?”

“I made a mistake, gotta own up to that”, Johnny tried not to shrug. He didn’t want Taeyong to think he didn’t mean it or that he didn’t care.

The red-haired man sighed, letting go of his pillow and running his hands through Johnny’s hair. Their stylist will certainly eat his liver. “Taeil hyung told me not to be an angsty fool and talk to you instead of moping around”, he smiled. “Why is he always right?”.

“Don’t tell him that… he is already insufferable”, Johnny leaned into Taeyong’s touch when he placed his palm on Johnny’s cheek.

“Well, he will know it when we leave this room and everything is alright between us”

Johnny took Taeyong’s hands in his. “And is it?”, he asked searching Taeyong’s face.

The younger kissed him gently and put their foreheads together. “I know you meant well”.

“But?”, Johnny picked himself up and sat next to Taeyong on the bed.

“What Doyoung said hurt me, hurt us. But the fact that you don’t even want to give him a chance to redeem himself hurts me more, because that isn’t like you. And you did it because of me”, he buries his face on the crook of Johnny’s neck.

“I’m so sorry”, Johnny kisses the top of his head. “I’ll talk to Doyoung, make things right”, he puts his arm around Taeyong’s frame, pulling him closer. “Do you think this is what he wants? Apologize?”

“One can certainly hope…”, Taeyong trailed off. He hugs Johnny’s waist and places kisses on his jaw. “I’m sorry too”, he sighs.

“For what?”

“Calling you a jerk, ignoring you for the better part of the day”

“Nah… it’s no biggie, I…”, Johnny can’t go on as Taeyong covers his mouth with his hand.

“I made a mistake, let me own up to it”, he says seriously. Johnny nods and kisses the palm against his lips, making the younger chuckle lightly. “I love you, Youngho”.

“I love you too, Tae”, he kisses Taeyong’s forehead, hugging him tighter.

“I want to tell the members. I don’t want this secrecy anymore”, Taeyong whispered.

“We have to expect that some of them are gonna react just like Doyoung did”

“I know, that’s why I wanna tell them. If we keep this secret for longer it may be worse”, he got up and pulled Johnny to his feet.

“Ok”, Johnny nodded, fixing Taeyong’s shirt. “Not tonight. We already have to suffer through this party”

Taeyong groaned. “With you looking like this, I will be dead by the end of the night”, he smiled mischievously.

Johnny laughed. “Well, if you are a good boy, I’ll ask Taeil to change rooms for the night”, he wiggled his eyebrows.

“If I’m a…”, Taeyong’s eyes widened. “Fuck you”, he laughed, slapping Johnny’s shoulder

Johnny grinned at him, taking him by the hand and unlocking the door. He was going to do his best not to let things be awkward with Doyoung at the party. Everything would be ok, he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR MAKING Y'ALL WAIT TWO MONTHS!
> 
> I started having thousands of ideas that didn't fit this fic (one has already been published [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16695055) and more to come) and some that had nothing to do with NCT (if you are a Day6 fan and likes Jae/Young K pairing, you can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16496465/chapters/38635550)), so I was stuck. Buuuuuut I assure you all this fic will be completed and it won't be halfheartedly. There are six more chapters to go. I hope you are all enjoying it.


	15. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeelll yeaah, I'm back. Dropping this one chapter here... and jumping back to my cave.

 

They have been standing there for forty minutes. Johnny had been ready to leave since he stepped into the great hall of KBS’s headquarters. Events like this had no red carpets, but they still were paraded around to potential investors, curious executives with teenage daughters and wealthy matrons of the industry. It was a weird feeling being treated like a product, but that’s what they were. They represented the company now, not the fans that loved them, but the people that invested in their training, fed them, housed them and were going to pay them once the debt was finally settled. SM higher-ups wanted to make KBS executives happy, and that’s why they were there. EXO and NCT, the money makers and the new faces.

“We are the risky business”, Yuta had mutedly joked after they were introduced to a group of _someones_ he just erased from his memory. They were both standing next to Baekhyun while some guy with a very creepy mustache talked about stocks and floating rates, or was it markets? Johnny spaced out with a fake smile plastered on his face the whole time, praying for dinner to start so he could just sit down with his members and his sunbaes and stuff his face with posh food and pray for the time to go faster.

Every time he looked around, he saw other idols and actors in equal pain, with their stage faces perfectly in place. Taeyong and Junmyeon with their best poker faces just a few feet from him were being lectured on by an elderly gentleman about the importance of being a real man, or something like that, he couldn’t hear it properly with creepy mustache just rambling on and on next to him. Across the quite spacious room he could see Doyoung trying hard to reign in his exasperation at the short man brandishing his glass at Minseok’s face while Ten tried really hard not to laugh.

“Those were some incredibly helpful insights”, he was brought back buy Baekhyun’s smooth voice. He was the perfect charmer. “Thank you for teaching me, I really appreciate it”, and the dimples. The smile does it. A few ladies swoon. “Unfortunately, it seems dinner will be served, we have to get to our seats”, he finishes as he bows and pulls both him and Yuta out of the circle in the most elegant, yet incredibly fast, way.

Johnny looks around and can see that Junmyeon is pulling the same kind of stunt, hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, while Minseok is inelegantly just storming off to their table, with Doyoung and Ten scrambling behind him. Their sunbaes seemed to deal with all of this expertly.

“Don’t talk, let us handle the douches”, Baekhyun had told them as soon as they met in the parking lot. “You are all lovely, but they aren’t. We know”, he had rolled his eyes.

“If we survive the hour before the dinner starts, we can tackle anything”, Junmyeon had clasped his hands together.

“Just put me with someone strong enough to stop me from punching people”, Minseok had huffed, pinching his nose. That would certainly not be Johnny, as he would probably join him.

Johnny wasn’t sure if he could call it an advantage to have been dragged to this kind of event so many times that not only they knew what to expect, but exactly who they should avoid and who they should approach to make the evening go faster. This was his second one and he was already considering an asylum. First time was a fundraiser as soon as they debuted, and he had sworn he was never going to be dragged to one of these again. Yet, here he is.

They convene at their table, thankful that they had that to themselves. Baekhyun and Junmyeon calmly pull their chairs to sit while Minseok plops down visibly annoyed. Johnny pulls Taeyong a chair and the red-haired man giggles at the act, both Ten and Yuta softly cackling next to him. Doyoung just quietly settles next to Minseok.

“For fuck’s sake”, Minseok says loud enough for the whole table to understand him, “how on earth did I let Jongdae convince me to take his place?”

“You’re whipped”, Baekhyun comments nonchalantly, taking of his suit jacket. Minseok blinks at him a few times, then just shrugs as if to say _yeah, that’s why_.

“How are you guys doing?”, Junmyeon asks his dongsaengs, ignoring the other two.

“Could be better if we weren’t here, honestly”, Ten half whispers to the rest of them.

“I’m bored to the bone, but watching Baekhyun hyung handle those guys was kind of amusing”, Johnny wouldn’t go as far as saying it was fun, but it was certainly entertaining.

“It’s the dimples”, Baekhyun points at his own face. “They do magic”, his impish smile is matched with wiggling eyebrows.

“You’re business savvy”, Minseok rolled his eyes, “you’re not fooling anyone. You actually like this shit”

“Are you saying I am boring, hyung?”, Baekhyun pouted.

Johnny stopped paying attention to their banter once he felt Taeyong squeeze his knee gently. They were sitting quite close to each other, as the table was spacious enough for six people, but there were eight of them. He let his arm rest on the back of Taeyong’s chair as he half turned his body to face him. He had a soft smile on his face and seemed more relaxed than their other companions.

“Thank you for coming with me”, his voice was low and Johnny had to get closer to hear him. “I feel much better with you around”.

“Anything for you, baby”, Johnny whispered on Taeyong’s ear and chuckled as he saw the other man blush a little.

He heard someone clearing their throat and looked up to see Doyoung staring daggers at him. Yuta rolled his eyes and Ten just snorted. Their sunbaes were distracted looking over the menu for the evening. Johnny resisted the urge to tell Doyoung to fuck off, but held his stare as he slowly moved away from Taeyong’s chair, after patting the hand rested on his knee reassuringly. It doesn’t matter how much of a jerk he thinks Doyoung is, he shouldn’t spend the night trying to whisper sweet nothings into Taeyong’s ear.

Dinner was served and they were distracted for a few minutes. The food wasn’t nearly satisfying… pretentious rich people and their tiny portions. It tasted good at least. Johnny was mostly quiet while the others laughed and talked through their meal. Taeyong held his hand for the most part under the table, idly caressing his palm, making Johnny smile around forkfuls of food.

“Just two more hours and we are free”, Junmyeon told them from across the table.

“Yeah, just two hours”, Minseok’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Piece of cake”

“Can we stay right here till the end?”, Ten asked hopeful.

“That would be perfect”, Yuta agreed.

“After dessert we have to move around”, Baekhyun shook his head. “Sitting down we are easy targets. We have to make it hard for people to get to us”, he winked.

As the feast came to an end, they readied themselves for the next barrage of unsolicited financial advice, life lessons and flat-out unpleasant gossip coming their way. They left the safe bubble of their private table and went into three different directions. Johnny ended up stepping behind Minseok and a clearly displeased Doyoung. Their sunbae strutted around the hall nodding to a few people, but never stopping long enough to be roped into conversation. Johnny and Doyoung just quietly followed his lead, not willing to talk to any of these people, not even each other.

“I’m going to head to the balcony for a few minutes. Let’s not draw attention to ourselves by going out together. I really don’t want to talk to anybody and I am pretty sure I can hide behind that _ficus_ if you two giants don’t follow me there”, Minseok half whispered to both of them. Well, Johnny was certainly not going to stand alone in the middle of the sea of sharks.

“Bathroom”, he shot over his shoulder as he walked towards the double doors at the back. He wasn’t cruel enough to just leave Doyoung behind.

He crossed the room in long strides. He saw Taeyong glued to Junmyeon once again and grimaced as he saw creepy mustache now talking animatedly next to them. Taeyong shot him a pleading look as someone begging for help, but Johnny had been there and done that. No thank you. He smirked and waved at him as he disappeared through the double doors. Maybe Taeyong would use that as an excuse to follow.

The hallway was quiet and fluorescently bright. Studio doors did wonders to muffle all noise. Johnny could see the kitchen at one end, bustling with movement, the sounds of plates and pans hitting the sink. He followed the opposite way to the bathrooms. This was familiar territory as it was near the dressing rooms they used while filming Music Bank. He heard the doors open and close and glanced behind to see Doyoung following him.

The heavy door to the men’s bathroom made a squeaky noise as Johnny got in. He busied himself at the sink, idly washing his hands and fixing his hair. He heard the door squeak again and through the mirror he saw Doyoung get in. He mimicked Johnny quietly, a deep frown on his face. Oh boy, here we go.

“You and Taeyong should be less touchy in public”, he finally said. “People here are just waiting for us to do something wrong”.

“And are we?”, he asked a barely hiding his exasperation.

“What?”, Doyoung looked at him confused.

“Are we doing something wrong?”

“That’s not what I meant”, he turned his back to Johnny to dry his hands.

“Wasn’t it, though?”, Johnny reigned in his annoyance. He promised Taeyong not to be a jerk. “You clearly think it is wrong… how did you put it? Taeyong being a fag”, he hissed the last words.

Doyoung shoulders tensed. He took a deep breath and faced Johnny. He had his hands balled into fists and was visibly holding back… what? Anger? Oh that was precious. He was angry? Really?

“I have been trying to apologize for days but you keep cutting me off”, his voice wavered with a hint of something else other than indignation. Johnny saw that his eyes were misted. Tears of frustration. Johnny deflated. He had been quite the jerk, yeah.

He sighed. “I’m… I’m listening now”.

Doyoung closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. One single tear rolled off his eyes. It didn’t go far as he quickly caught it. “I’m sorry”, he huffed, looking at the floor.

“Ok”, that was not necessarily halfheartedly, but it wasn’t all there either. It was clear Doyoung wanted to say more. Johnny waited.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I… this… I don’t know what to make of this, but…”, he hugged himself hunching a little as he leaned on the marbled sink. “I’m really sorry”, he breathed. That was a lot more sincere.

“You really hurt Taeyong”, Johnny said. Doyoung just nodded. “I was really angry at you”, the other man just nodded again. “You should apologize to him”.

“Will you let me talk to him?”, Doyoung asked just this side of mildly annoyed. That was a fair question given that Yuta, Ten and himself had been insufferable these past few days.

“Doyoung, I am really sorry”, he put his hand on the other’s shoulder. “I was a jerk”. Doyoung was going to say something as the door squeaked again. They both glanced at it to see a man dressed in black come in. He startled a little looking between both Johnny and Doyoung, but quickly got into one of the stalls. Probably someone working in the kitchen, judging by the apron, the beanie (or was it just a net? It was black and too voluminous for that) and the mask.

“Can we talk once we get to the dorm?”, Doyoung asked, lowering his voice. Johnny smiled and nodded.

“We were going to talk to everyone, you know? We had thought about the group, ok?”, it was important that Doyoung knew that. That was the only thing in their minds for days, well, mostly.

“Ok”, Doyoung said as he made his way to the door. “Coming?”

“Give me a minute, not really in the mood to go back out there now”, Doyoung gave him a faint smile and pushed the big door open.

Johnny just stared at the mirror. He wanted to stall a little more. He adjusted the single strand of hair that had fallen over his eyes. The guy from before gingerly opened his door, peering out. He slowly walked towards the door, inspecting the other three stalls before going. Johnny raised an eyebrow at him. Was he going to leave without washing his hands? Gross. He distracted himself again with trying to fix his rebellious hair. He expected to hear the squeak of the door opening, but instead he heard a heavy click of a lock. Frowning he looked over at the guy, who had apparently just locked the bathroom door. He was squirming his hands on the hem of a pocket on his apron.

“Is there a problem, sir?”, he asked, eyebrow raised at the strange little man.

“It is true, then”, the short man’s voice was a little higher than what Johnny expected.

“Sorry?”, what the fuck.

“You are… what you did… Taeyong was pure and you ruined that”. Johnny turned to face the man now. What the fuck is he talking about? 

“Sir, I think you should just leave”, crazy man alert, be calm.

“Nobody likes you”, the man screeched. “You are a nobody. You shouldn’t touch him”. He angrily grabbed the net… beanie? And pulled it down. Not a man… great.

“Hey, it is ok if you don’t like me”, he practically cooed. He didn’t really know how to deal with crazy fan girls. Should he talk to her lie he talks to kids or would that make things worse? 

“I hate you”, she spit. Boy, this one was a piece of work.

“Ok. Can I leave now? I promise I will leave you alone”, God help him, he has no idea what to say.

“And Taeyong?”, she sounded hopeful. Breathe, Johnny. Be calm, she is just a girl.

“Hum… yeah… sure”, that is what she wanted to hear, right? He mustn’t have sounded convincing as she just angrily huffed. Johnny didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to get out before she started throwing a fit or something. He walked towards her slowly.

“I’m going to leave ok?”, he heard someone knock at the door. She startled and put her back against it, blocking his way. She shoved her hands on her apron’s pocket. Johnny sighed.

“What’s your name?”, he asked. Now people were banging on the door. Her eyes darted around the bathroom and fixed at the window. It didn’t lead outside the building, Johnny knew that much. But if she wanted to run that way, he wouldn’t stop her. “Hey, what’s you name?”, he asked as softly as he could.

She looked at him then back at the window and took a deep breath. Johnny thought she was going to give up and let him pass. She slowly took her hands out of her pocket. That was one big fucking knife.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have rewritten this one a million times. I had a different idea to create some tension, but... hum... well, certain real life events that have shaken Korea and the Kpop industry this past couple of months made me change my mind and go with the less threatening approach. So, yeah... bat shit crazy sasaeng it is. I finally caught the thread of my original drafts... it was less than smooth, guys. But... hum... I am doing it anyway.
> 
> Oh, and I haven't checked for spelling mistakes and stuff like that yet. I will try to read the whole fic this weekend and fix some little problems.


	16. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey! It's me again... and just a week or two later. I think I got my rhythm back.

 

The only spotlight Taeyong was comfortable with was the one when he was performing on stage. It was something he could grasp, understand. Being paraded around like this was nothing he wanted to get used to. Youngho being there helped him get his bearings. They had attended one other function together, but now things were different for them and it made Taeyong less jittery going through this ordeal with him.

The whole time KBS’s executive was talking about Idol behavior and whatnot, Taeyong would steal glances at his boyfriend, just a few feet away from him, equally desperate to get rid of their interlocutor. Well, that wouldn’t be a great word to describe whatever was happening, as he was silent and Junmyeon barely got a word or two in. The guy had been lecturing them non-stop for a good thirty minutes. It was truly a relief when he was pulled out of the monologue by his sunbae and guided through the see of pompous people to their safe-haven of a table. The whole bunch looked disgruntled and bored, but they had survived the crucial first hour. Dinner was going to be just them eight, light conversation and dread for the next couple of hours of mandatory presence at the event.

He watched their sunbaes banter quietly, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. They didn’t like attending these functions either, but had found a way to optimize their time, avoiding the creepiest figures and having fun, somehow. He looked at Youngho, who was sitting quite close, an arm casually resting on the back of Taeyong’s chair.

“Thank you for coming with me”, he squeezed the man’s knee under the table to call his attention and kept his voice low. “I feel much better with you around”.

“Anything for you, baby”, the other had whispered as he leaned in, so close that Taeyong could feel his breath against his skin. He felt butterflies go absolutely crazy in his stomach and he really wanted to kiss him. It must have showed in his face as Doyoung cleared his throat and the others chuckled lightly at the display.

Dinner time came and went fast and too soon it was time for them to go back to mingling with the most annoying people on the planet. He wasn’t looking forward to it and he thought about pulling Youngho behind the big double doors that led to the backstage area of the studios, but before he could do or say anything, he was being dragged by Junmyeon to another dull conversation with a guy with a terribly unkept mustache. As the man rambled about money and stocks, Taeyong saw from the corner of his eyes Youngho walking towards the double doors. He pointedly looked at him, praying he would come and get him, but the other just smirked and waved as he went through, Doyoung fast on his trail.

“You’d be smart, young man, to invest your money on other companies’ stocks too. The entertainment business is too volatile, we never know when a scandal is going to break out”, mustache guy was talking to him. He looked at Junmyeon a little startled to be suddenly included in the discussion. The elder just raised an eyebrow at him.

“Hum, sure… thank you for your advice, sir”, he blurted out hoping nothing else would be said on the subject and they would forget about him again.

The man seemed satisfied and Junmyeon discretely gave him a thumbs up. Taeyong chanced half a smile, but he couldn’t be bothered to keep paying attention to whatever the man was rambling about now. It would have been incredibly rude if they weren’t so used to faking smiles and pretending that the other person is literally the center of their world. They did that on fan meetings, they were just a lot more sincere in those. A few more minutes passed as he scanned the room around them, looking for a distraction. Baekhyun, Yuta and Ten had being aimlessly crossing the room, stopping for a few seconds at a time at a group or two. Minseok had simply disappeared.

He saw the double doors open and close again and Doyoung stepped out. Taeyong saw this as an opportunity and excused himself from the group, also giving Junmyeon an out if his sunbae wanted to follow him. He beelined towards the singer and Doyoung, noticing this, unblocked the door but didn’t move very far, waiting for Taeyong to catch him. He noticed that nobody else came through the door.

“Where is Youngho?”, he asked as he got within earshot.

“Bathroom”, the tall boy had suspiciously red rimmed eyes.

“Are you ok?”, they hadn’t been on the best terms lately and Youngho had been less than gentle with Doyoung, but he had promised to talk to him.

“Yeah”, the other tried to hide a sniff. “We…hum… we kinda talked”, he gestured behind him. “More when we get home, yeah?”, a small smile, but it was a smile.

“Yes. Yes, we will”, Taeyong wanted to cry. Youngho would never disappoint him. “I’ll go after him?”, he pointed towards the double doors as if asking where exactly they had been.

“Sure, I’ll take you there”, they weren’t awkward with each other anymore, even though a lot should still be said between them.

They silently walked down the hallway and Doyoung stopped him right before the bathroom door. “Listen, I have to say this. I’m sorry for what I said”.

Taeyong sighed and clapped his shoulder. “I know you are”, he smiled at the other. “Look, it really hurt me, us, to hear you say those things, but it wasn’t like we weren’t expecting someone to act like that”

“I shouldn’t have done that. We are family, right?”

“Yeah”, he held back the annoying tears that wanted to come out at hearing the other say those words. “We are. We’ll talk later, ok?”, Doyoung nodded and Taeyong tried opening the door but it didn’t budge. He pushed it with his whole body, but nothing. “Hum… this is locked”

“What?”, Doyoung tried the handle again. “Why would he lock it?”, he knocked on the door but there was no response.

“I can hear voices inside”, Taeyong put his ear to the surface and tried to discern the half-conversation he was hearing. He could swear he heard Youngho’s voice.

“What is going on?”, Junmyeon had in fact followed them in and was standing a few feet behind them.

“Door is locked. Youngho is in there with someone”, Taeyong started banging on the door, getting the attention of a security guard who had just stepped out of the kitchen on the opposite side. He listened in again and heard a faint _put the knife down_ and some other rumbled words in a high pitched voice. “Fuck fuck fuck”, he uselessly tried the handle again. He had a very bad feeling that he knew exactly what was going on in there. “Sasaeng”, he looked at Doyoung who sprang to action. “How do you brake a fucking door down?”, he screamed as they slammed their shoulders against the heavy door.

“What’s going on here?”, the guard approached them sternly.

“They… a knife… the door”, Taeyong said between shoves.

The security man seemed confused, but whatever Junmyeon told him made him pull both young man out of the way as he slammed his body against the door. Once, twice. It looked like it was coming out of its hinges. Baekhyun and Ten had magically appeared on the hallway and a few of the kitchen staff had gathered around to see what was the commotion about. It was taking too fucking long and Taeyong was on the crest of having a panic attack. The lock finally broke off and the door came loose. The guard jumped inside and all Taeyong could see was blood.

 

***

 

That was one big fucking knife. Johnny was thinking that maybe now was a good time to be scared. The girl kept muttering under her breath things that he couldn’t understand. The bangs on the door sounded a little louder this time and Johnny could swear he heard Taeyong. _Shit, no._ He hoped the boy wasn’t alone as the last thing he wanted was for the crazy girl to get close to his boyfriend.

“Put the knife down”, he said as loud as he could without spooking the menacing girl. “Please”, he added for good measure. He didn’t want her to go off on him being a jerk to her. No more fuel to the fire.

“You know, I can stop you and you won’t touch Tae anymore”, she said brandishing the knife in his direction. They could both hear Taeyong clearly now, but by the loud successive bangs on the door, he probably wasn’t alone. _Thank God._

“This is not a good idea”, Johnny took a few steps back, trying to get away from the tip of the blade. “How are you going to walk out of here?”, he was probably doing this wrong, but they don’t give you hostage negotiation training at SM Entertainment.

A heavier body slammed at the door and it shook. _Please let it be security_. The girl startled as she heard the loud noise and brandished the knife aimlessly. He felt the blade cut his skin open as he brought his arm up to defend himself. It hurt like a bitch. The crazy girl took two steps backwards as she saw the blood in her knife. Johnny was holding his arm close to his body, but it was dripping blood. His jacket and dress shirt were ruined and soaking.

“That’s blood”, the girl said with wide eyes.

Her knife clatters on the floor as soon as the door was finally unhinged and a security guard jumps in between them. He kicks the knife away from her and immediately secure her hands behind her back. She cries out in pain, but Johnny couldn’t care less right now. He rests his back on the wall, next to the destroyed door. Doyoung is next to him immediately, trying to survey his situation.

“Hyung, you’re hurt”, he gingerly takes his arm and tries to help stop the blood.

“Taeyong?”, Johnny heard him. He doesn’t want the girl near him.

“I’m here”, a small voice calls his attention. Taeyong’s panicked face come into view as he walks into the bathroom flanked by Junmyeon and Baekhyun. He can’t take his eyes from Johnny’s arm and he looks like he is going to pass out.

“I’m ok, it wasn’t so bad”, he hisses as Doyoung tries to move his arm, not helping his case. It burns.

The security guard starts dragging the sasaeng out. She doesn’t really struggle until she sees Taeyong. Johnny immediately puts himself between them. “I did for you, Tae. You don’t need him”, she screams as she is hauled into the hallway.

“Do not fucking listen to her”, Johnny turns, ignoring Doyoung’s shriek for him to be careful. It’s too late, Taeyong is already crying. _Fuck, he will think it’s his fault_. “Don’t you dare”, he pulls the other in for a hug, one good hand behind his neck. He won’t kiss him, not here, but he holds him there. Ten comes behind them and starts massaging soothing patterns on Taeyong’s back as the man sobs on Johnny’s shoulder.

“We need to get you to a hospital to have that checked”, Junmyeon chimes in. “Baek will drive you”, he gently pulls Johnny away from Taeyong. “You go with him”, he tells a teary red-haired man. “I’ll handle everything”, he smiles as he tells Ten to get Minseok and Yuta.

The party is still happening and not many people have heard the commotion. It will certainly be on every headline tomorrow, but for now they could leave peacefully from the back. Junmyeon asked Doyoung to call their manager and took off to talk to the organizers and call the police. Johnny was glad that their sunbaes were here with him. They took the fastest route to the parking lot and all three of them climbed into Baekhyun’s car, Taeyong glued to his side on the back seat.

“Hyung, I’m gonna stain your new car”, Johnny said as the elder put his seatbelt on.

“It gives it character”, he just shrugged and took his seat, starting the car and getting out of there as fast as possible.

Johnny weaved his good arm around Taeyong’s head and brought him even closer. The cut stung, but at least it wasn’t bleeding as much. His whole sleeve was stained red, it looked at lot worse than he felt. He could feel the red-haired man shaking slightly, hiding his face on Johnny’s neck. Warm tears touched his shoulder.

“Hey baby, I’m ok”, he kissed the other’s forehead. “You spooked her when you started banging the door. You sounded like a bulldozer, man”, he tried joking, but Taeyong just held him tighter. “Tae, look at me”, red-rimmed eyes met his, “everything is ok”, he kissed his lips, forgetting they had company. Baekhyun could probably see them through the rearview mirror, but he didn’t say anything.

“Did she really do this because of me?”, Taeyong asked, burying his face on Johnny’s shoulder again.

“No”, Johnny said vehemently. “She did it because she is mentally unstable”. He made the other look at him again. “You hear me? This isn’t on you. You can’t possibly think that”. He kissed Taeyong again, a little more heat to it than before. The other melted into the kiss and nodded, a few tears still falling from his closed lashes.

Baekhyun clears his throat. Johnny looks up and sees him looking at the them through the mirror. “The hospital is a block away”, he says with a small smile. Johnny kisses Taeyong’s forehead one last time and they break away. “If any of you ever need to… hum… talk about this”, Baekhyun says as he turns the corner and pulls over the hospital entrance, “you know my number. Or Chanyeol’s”, he adds nonchalantly like he hadn’t shared a huge secret with them. But Johnny can only feel grateful that his sunbae understood him.

The E.R. was empty enough and he was seen right away. Just a few stitches, one less jacket to his wardrobe and some painkillers later they were waiting for their manager to arrive to pick them up.  The police had already been there taking Johnny’s statement, Junmyeon working fast on alerting the company and all. Baekhyun waited patiently beside them, not commenting once on how Taeyong just clung to his side the whole time. Yuta came in running first, Doyoung and Ten trailing behind him. They hadn’t wanted to go home without them. They all cramped their manager’s car on the way back, only letting go of each other when they were safe and sound inside their dorm.

The house was quiet as none of the other members were woken up with news of the ordeal. They could all talk in the morning. Management gave them the day off in face of what happened, so they would have time to talk to everyone at once. Doyoung and Ten said their goodbyes and walked towards their respective bedrooms. They stopped in front of Johnny’s bedroom and Yuta opened the door quietly not to wake up Mark.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”, Taeyong asked, still holding onto Johnny.

“Yeah, ok”, Johnny glanced at Yuta, who just nodded and closed the door behind him. “Let’s go to your room, there are less people over there”.

They got in to find Taeil awake, reading in his bed. He took in Taeyong’s red eyes and Johnny’s bandaged arm and got up immediately. “Hum… I’ll ask Yuta to fill me in”, he walked towards the door. “Are you ok?”, he asked Johnny before leaving.

“I’ll be, don’t worry”, he smiled at the elder as he squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll all talk tomorrow”

“Sleep well”, Taeil ruffled Taeyong’s hair before leaving.

They silently took off their clothes, Taeyong helping Johnny discard the ruined shirt and put on a t-shirt. He pulled his duvet and made Johnny lay down first, making sure his bandage arm wasn’t going to be crushed in their sleep. He climbed the bed after him and pillowed his head on Johnny’s shoulder, hugging his waist an pulling him closer.

“I love you”, Taeyong said, after they got comfortable.

“I love you too, Tae”, he kissed the top of his head.

They fell asleep not but a moment later, limbs tangled under the covers, breathing easily and steadily for the first time tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did something... I started another Johnny/Taeyong fic before finishing this one. Hey, don't look at me, it actually helped me focus... I had too many stories in my head. So, if you like mixing fantasy and somewhat modern sets, and you kinda enjoy Alice in Wonderland, please give [The Looking Glass](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18008936/chapters/42546674) a try and tell me what you think
> 
>  
> 
> ps: this [tweet](https://twitter.com/TamarWrites/status/1118649646983806977) made my day


	17. Family knows best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one so soon? I am on a roll, people!

It was a bit of a restless sleep, waking up every hour or two just to check if Johnny was there next to him. Maybe it was pointless to feel that way, but last night could have gone a lot worse and Taeyong’s brain had decided to go over every single worst-case scenario. He gave up sleeping at around five and got up to take a shower. He lingered a bit next to Johnny’s side of the bed, watching the other sleep, his breathing even and peaceful. That was a good thing. That arm was going to be bothersome enough without the added effects of insomnia.

He came back to bed after putting on clean sweats and a t-shirt, carefully picking up Johnny’s sleeping head and putting it on his lap. He spent the next hour just tangling his fingers on the dark strands that pooled on his lap. He needed that reminder that the other was ok, that he was there and nothing greater had happened. He didn’t even notice that he had fallen asleep with his back resting on the headboard until Taeil was gently shaking him awake.

“Hey there sleepy head”, the eldest ruffled his hair affectionately much like he had done the night before. “I’m sorry, but the managers are here. They want to talk to the group”.

“Has Yuta talked to you?”, he tried rubbing the remainders of sleep from his eyes.

“Doyoung did, actually”, Taeil smiled sitting across from him, on his own bed.

“Is everybody up?”, Taeyong started combing his fingers through Youngho’s hair again.

“Mostly. Yuta is making breakfast and Ten and Doyoung are trying their best to keep everybody up to date without… you know…”, he shrugged.

Yes, Taeyong knew. They still had that to look forward to. Not only talk to Doyoung and clear things out effectively between them, but also tell the rest of the group what had been going on under their noses. He gently nudged Johnny’s shoulder, trying to wake him up. The young man blinked awake much faster than usual, a lazy smile on his lips as soon as he saw Taeyong’s face hovering over him.

“That is a great sight to wake up to”, he moved to lay fully on Taeyong’s lap, closing his good arm around one of his legs and hugging it like a pillow.

“Diabetes”, Taeil huffed, “that’s what I’m gonna get by being around you two”.

“Managers are here. They want a meeting with all of us”, Taeyong said, making Youngho groan against his thigh.

“You guys need to get up, they will just barge in and you know it”, Taeil stretched his arms and gestured towards the door.

Johnny sat up slowly, hissing when he accidentally leaned on the bandaged arm. “Shit, this stings”.

“I’ll help you cover it so you can take a shower”, Taeyong helped the other up.

“You’re leaving me alone in there?”, Johnny pouted. Taeyong knew he was just teasing, but he remembered what happened the last time he was left alone in a bathroom and shuddered.

“I’ll help you out, you big baby”, Taeil laughed at Johnny’s disgusted face. “You go appease the bosses downstairs”, he pointed at Taeyong.

Johnny kissed his temple. “See you in five”, he looked at Taeil suspiciously, “hum, make it ten… I have the feeling I’ll have to defend my purity in there”.

“Non of us is pure anymore, Johnny boy”, Taeil just wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and made kissy faces. They went into the bathroom laughing out loud and Taeyong left. He found one of his managers coming out of Mark, Yuta and Johnny’s room, frowning.

He stopped when he saw Taeyong. “Where is Johnny? I thought Taeil said he was still sleeping”.

“He was. I just woke him up. Taeil is helping him shower… you know… can’t let those bandages soak”, Taeyong shrugged. He could fake nonchalance just fine.

“So he didn’t sleep in his bedroom”, the manager raised an eyebrow.

“No. I wanted to keep an eye on him”, more like he would break down if they weren’t together, but their manager didn’t need to know that.

The man stared at Taeyong for a solid minute before huffing and going back the way to the stairs. Taeyong just followed him. It would be this kind of meeting; they would spin half-truths around and their managers would just have to accept them. He was sure none of the members that knew every detail of what was going on would tell them anything and the others were just not privy to the specifics so they wouldn’t chime in at all. The living room was packed with both members and management alike. Doyoung and Ten made a beeline in his direction, crossing the room at fast pace.

“Hey, how is he?”, Ten asked as soon as they got closer.

“He is actually quite well, considering”, Youngho had certainly seemed ok in Taeyong’s book.

“And you, hyung?”, Doyoung looked him up and down. He probably was looking a bit worse for wear.

“I’ve been better, but I’ll manage”, he smiled at the other. He seemed genuinely worried, which made his heart warm. They were going to be ok. “Does everyone know what happened last night?”

“Kinda, yeah”, Doyoung shrugged. Implied was the fact that they knew about the sasaeng, but not about Youngho and him.

They made their way back to the couch, some of the members scooching sideways to make room for him. They all looked a little spooked, but none said a word. Their managers and some other people from the company were there, so they couldn’t just speak freely. They would do that once this was over. Yuta came out of the kitchen holding two bowls of cereal and handed one to Taeyong without a word and set the other down at the coffee table, probably for Johnny, as Mark put a steaming mug of black coffee next to it and sat across from him.

When Taeil and Johnny finally came downstairs, Sicheng, Chenle and Jisung crowded them, the youngest clinging uncharacteristically to Johnny’s waist and hugging him tight. Johnny just petted, the boy’s hair repeating that he was ok. Sicheng led the tall man towards an armchair and handed him his cereal and coffee. Johnny looked at Taeyong and smiled, reassuringly. _He is ok._

“Ok, now we are all here”, one of their managers, the one that had spoken to Taeyong earlier, started talking, “you must all know by now that there was a situation yesterday at the KBS party”, many of them nodded, some just stared at the floor. “We came here today to do damage control. This is Mr. Kim, one of our lawyers. We need to avoid a scandal bigger than this event since we have NCT Dream comeback in two months and 127 after that”.

 _Wait, what? Damage control? What the actual fuck_! Taeyong’s head was in turmoil. What is he saying? That Youngho is to blame for being attacked? He was about to say something but Taeil beat him to it.

“With all due respect, manager-nim”, he said imbuing no respect at all to his words, “I am pretty sure you meant to tell us that we need to talk about how you and the others are going to make sure we are safe from now on and that you are sorry that such a thing happened to our brother”. Taeyong almost smiled at the wide-eyed manager. Yuta wasn’t subtle when he snorted.

“Yes, that is exactly what he meant”, Mr. Kim, the lawyer, smiled at Taeil. He didn’t sound menacing, at least not towards the members. Their manager on the other hand… “We just have a few things to clear up with the group before writing the company’s official statement to the press. We don’t want speculation”, he looked at Johnny.

“What do you need?”, the dark-hair man asked around his mug.

“We have your statement to the police, but we need to clear a few things before we go public and it has to be fast as people have already started talking about it”, Mr. Kim continued smiling. He was kind when he spoke, but Taeyong didn’t like one bit of the conversation now.

Johnny nodded and waited. Mr. Kim took his tablet out of his briefcase and placed it on the coffee table. He searched for something and then pressed it. The conversation that had been uploaded to the fan account, the one from Idol Room, started playing. Taeyong schooled his expression. _So, the company knew._ He looked around as discretely as possible. Seventeen other faces stared blankly at the lawyer. _They have all heard it but aren’t going to say anything_.

“I take it that none of you know what this is”, their publicist was standing behind Johnny, arms crossed.

“We all know these are Taeyong hyung, Johnny hyung and Taeil hyung”, Doyoung spoke this time.

“It sounds like it was a recording day somewhere”, Jaehyun added, scratching his head. Handsome devil, that one.

“What we don’t know is why you are playing us that”, Mark batted innocent lashes at the lawyer.

Mr. Kim looked around the room, he inspected every member’s face carefully. “The sasaeng was the one that posted this on her profile”, he looked around again. “So none of you has any comment on the content?”, he pointedly looked at Taeyong.

“We pull that shit often, in case you didn’t know it”, Lucas said from where he was blatantly holding Jungwoo on his lap. One of the managers snorted at the quite disrespectful tone and winked at them both. Lucas is terrible and Taeyong loves him for that.

“This is all a joke then?”, Mr. Kim pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“What did you think it was?”, Taeil raised his eyebrow at the lawyer. Nobody said a word for a few beats. Taeyong’s eyes met Youngho’s and he knew they were both holding back their smiles. Their family had their backs even when they didn’t have the whole story.

“What we think is not important”, the publicist sighed. “The girl is saying she wanted to save Taeyong from Johnny. His statement wasn’t clear about what she meant and she isn’t making any sense, but the press can have a field day with it”.

“We are touchy people on camera”, Doyoung shrugged, “sometimes off camera too”, he rolled his eyes at Lucas and Jungwoo. “She could have seen any footage from us and her mind created whatever reality she wanted”

“True. We see all sort of weird videos on Naver and Youtube”, Jungwoo added to a murmur of agreement from all the others.

“Honestly, manager-nim”, Taeil turned back to his original target, “we don’t really see why we are having this conversation. The company encourages fanservice, so we are not to blame when their publicity strategies fail… horribly”, he stared the manager down with the meanest look he could put off. Taeil was freaking scary.

“Why did Johnny sleep in Taeyong’s bedroom?”, their manager was not letting this slide. Was he looking for something? Taeyong had never thought much about the guy, but now he kinda hates him. He isn’t alone in it, as the members look at him in a mix of disgust and annoyance, and even Mr. Kim rolls his eyes.

“Because Mr. Sooman Lee put him in charge of all of us and he is a responsible leader”, Yuta was reigning in his anger. “Because Johnny needed support after being attacked”, he cracked his knuckles, “what the fuck is your problem?”

“Ok, calm down”, Taeyong put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “There is no need for that, manager-nim is just looking out for us. Be respectful”, it pained him to say it, but defusing his members’ temper was more important.

“Certainly”, Mr. Kim said pointedly looking at the manager, who in turn snapped his jaw shut. “Boys, we are going to figure out a better way to deal with your security from now on”, he gesture for the other people in the room to get up, “as you all may know, you were given the day off to regroup. You need to rest and get better”, he looked at Johnny, who slightly nodded.

“If we need any kind of written statement we will call you”, the publicist told Johnny, “but I am pretty sure the company is going to spare the victim, as it doesn’t make sense to drag you into this any further”, he clapped his shoulder. They all got up and headed for the door.

“Take care of each other”, one noona said before she left. _Yeah_ , _we always do_ , Taeyong finally smiled.

They waited in silence as car doors were closed noisily outsides and the sound of engines filled in the room. Ten walked over to one of the windows and observed quietly. “Ok, they’re gone”, he eventually said.

“Holy fucking crap”, Mark slid down his chair.

“I just wanna say that I feel all warm inside knowing that there are so many sarcastic fuckers in this group”, Taeil added and they all laughed, half-joyous and half-nervous.

Taeyong saw Johnny get up and walk towards Doyoung. The man was startled when the older just wrapped his arms around him in a hug. It took him a few seconds but he eventually hugged him back. “Thank you”, Johnny whispered. Doyoung nodded, teary-eyed. Taeyong was not going to cry now, nope.

“Are you really ok, hyung?”, Jungwoo asked finally getting off Lucas lap and sitting cross-legged in front of his hyung.

“Yeah, I am”, Johnny smiled at the room. “Not gonna lie, I was scared when she just took the knife off her apron, but the sound of Tae and Doyoung trying to break a huge fucking door down kept me sane”, Yuta and Taeil snorted and Doyoung smiled.

“Was she… humm… hyung… I’m sorry… I ask this for… you know”, Jeno stumbled on his words. “You two are very close”, he blushed.

Taeyong and Johnny exchanged looks. Point of no return. Ten and Yuta sat back near the youngest boys, Mark sighed from his place on the floor. Doyoung picked on the loose wool of his sweater. Taeil rolled his eyes at them. “Cat is out of the bag now, my friends”

“Ok”, Taeyong started, “we had planned on having a group meeting about it, just not like this”, he reached for Youngho’s hand. “I don’t know how else to say it”, he sighed.

“You’re dating”, Lucas almost screamed, eyes wide. “Holy shit, you really are”

“What?”, Jisung and Sicheng looked adorably confused.

“They are. Look at them”, Lucas laughed. “It makes sense”, he scratched his head. “Wait, that means you two are…”, he choked on his own laughter. “Oh wow. Wow. Oh man”, his slack jawed expression was nothing but funny, but Taeyong didn’t laugh. He knew what had dawn on him. _You’re gay_.

“That is an appropriate response to the news”, Doyoung snorted and looked at the floor.

“Wait, you knew?”, Jaehyun seemed offended. Doyoung nodded. “Who else knew?”, their accomplices raised their hand. “How long?”

“Long enough for us to know that it doesn’t affect the group at all”, Taeil raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you sure, hyung?”, Jeno asked eyeing Johnny’s bandages.

“This has nothing to do with my love for Tae”, Johnny raised his hurt arm. Jeno and Chenle gasped, Jungwoo cooed and Lucas coughed at his statement. “What?”

“You’re so sappy”, Taeil rolled his eyes smiling.

“We know this is a lot to take in, but we care for each other and we love you all”, Taeyong tried to put his thought out as eloquently as he could. “NCT is important to us both and we would never jeopardize that with trivialities”, he hoped that they understood that this wasn’t a frivolous thing.

They were all quiet for a few moments, most of them lost in thought. Taeyong squeezed Johnny’s hand, nervously. They were standing side by side looking at the other sixteen people in the living room. They didn’t dare move, Yuta and Ten were also looking around curiously gauging the others’ reactions. Doyoung and Mark were inspecting the ceiling, but clearly paying attention to their surroundings. Jaehyun was the first to break the silence.

“We are family”, he looked around. The other boys nodded. “Family sticks together, no matter what”, there was a murmur of agreement.

“You two always look happy”, Jeno blushed again. “It is kinda cute”. Jungwoo nodded enthusiastically at that and Lucas laughed.

Haechan, who had been quiet until now, got up and hugged Taeyong. “We love you, hyung”

Everything was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you wanted a fluffy chapter with loving members \o/


	18. Moving on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello enjoy!

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this now”, Taeyong gasped as Johnny bit the shell of his ear as he crowded him against the wall.

“I locked the door, baby”, Johnny breathed over the red-haired man’s neck, making him shiver. “Taeil will sleep in my room tonight”, he kissed and licked the smooth skin, making his way down leisurely.

“Your arm…huum”, Taeyong’s protest were swallowed by Johnny’s kiss. He kissed Taeyong hungrily, and the younger man returned the fervor, sucking Johnny’s bottom lip between his teeth before slipping his tongue inside. Their breathing coming out ragged as they kissed

“The doctor said I’m fine”, Johnny groaned when they had to separate for air. “I miss you so fucking much”, he dove in again. He moved his lips from Taeyong’s mouth onto his neck again, biting down, then licking the sore spot and kissing his way up. He pulled the youngest tee over his head and leaned in to take his nipples between his teeth, eliciting more delicious sounds from the other man.

“hummf… yeah…I’m always here for you”, Taeyong grabbed his hair, hand sinking in the dark soft strands and keeping him there.

The last few days they purposely spent apart to take their manager off their tracks. Everything went back to normal once the press had forgotten all about the events at the KBS dinner party. The buzz hadn’t lasted long, a sasaeng wasn’t as juicy as the new celebrity couple unveiled overnight. Dating scandals were always more popular, and Johnny was fucking glad that no one had batted an eye at them.

Another moan escaped Taeyong at the feel of Johnny’s hands slipping down his back, leaving shivers in their wake before his strong fingers dug into his sweats and grabbed his ass. Johnny’s mouth was hot, his lips soft, and his tongue tasted vaguely of the chocolate cake they had after dinner. Without breaking a sweat, Johnny grabbed Taeyong’s ass and hauled him off his feet. Despite being manhandled plenty of times by him, Taeyong still let out a surprised gasp.

His fingers closed around fistfuls of Johnny’s hair once more as their kissing grew more desperate. He allowed Johnny to carry him over to the bed and drop him down onto it. The weight of Johnny’s body against his had him painfully hard and he rushed to drag the eldest’s T-shirt over his head. He threw it off to the side, their breaths turning to panting as they frantically rutted against each other.

“oh yes”, Taeyong moaned as Johnny left a path of hot kisses over his torso and went back to playing with the rosy buds, licking and nipping. “oooh… Youngho…please”.

Johnny looked up to take hold of Taeyong’s debauched state. His lips were swollen from their kissing, his chest was flushed and his sweats were tented. He had his eyes closed as he licked his lips in expectation. “You are so fucking beautiful”, sharp eyes looked back at him, glassy and unfocused, a sweet smile gracing the corner of perfectly sinful lips.

Johnny didn’t waste time as he pulled Taeyong’s sweatpants down and off him and took him fully in his mouth. He licked and sucked until the youngest was incoherently asking him for more or to stop, or something. Taeyong’s fingers curled and uncurled, twitching over the sheets as Johnny ravished him. He loved the sight, loved his slack-jawed expression, the pleasure mewls he let off, the abandon in which he enjoyed every touch, every kiss.

Letting go of Taeyong’s erection with a pop, Johnny kissed his way back to the soft lips that were eager for him. “I love you, Tae”, he placed soft kisses all over the other’s face.

“I love you too”, his smile widened, and he kissed the tip of Johnny’s nose. “Fuck, I love you so much”, he threw his arms around Johnny’s neck and brought him down for a passionate kiss. “Please”, he whispered.

Johnny couldn’t resist. He grabbed the lube and the condom from the drawer. “I’ll take it slow, ok? No need to rush things”. Taeyong just nodded in response, opening up for him and relaxing into the mattress. He trusted him. Johnny carefully parted Taeyong’s ass cheeks and pressed a cool, lube-slicked finger against his hole, causing shivers to rack Taeyong’s body. First one finger, then two, agonizingly slow. Taeyong panted and moaned as he got used to the intrusion, rocking back in a frantic rhythm, fingers digging into the mattress to hold himself back.

“You can touch yourself baby”, Johnny chuckled.

“Humm… no… I want… ahh… I want to feel you… oh god… feel you in me”, Taeyong squirmed and gasped as Johnny found what he was looking for.

“Can’t you do it more than once?”, he asked devilishly as he hit the spot over and over again, making Taeyong howl in pleasure, his whole body trembling from the effort to keep himself from cumming.

“Youngho… don’t be mean… ahhh”, he panted as he threw his head back against the pillow.

Johnny slowed his pace gradually, letting the other breathe. He got up briefly to take his pants off and came back to Taeyong’s side. “Sorry, baby”, he kissed him softly.

“You’ll kill me one day”, Taeyong chuckled. He tore the condom packet open and let his eyes wander over Johnny’s naked body.

He loved the way Taeyong looked at him, hungry yet lovingly. He wanted Johnny as much as Johnny wanted him. “Are we stopping now?”, he chuckled when Taeyong slapped his arm.

“You’re sassy today”, the red-haired man leaned down to kiss him.

“I’m always sassy”, Johnny kissed him back matching his passion, his arms around Taeyong’s neck. They were exploring, tasting, breathing in each other.

Taeyong licked his lips before sitting up and doing a cute shimmy down to Johnny’s legs. He rolled the condom onto him, his hand squeezing Johnny’s erection on the way down and drawing a deep groan from him. Johnny nodded toward the lube, and Taeyong snatched up the bottle, squirting some onto his hand and palming Johnny’s length again, his lustful gaze on him as he stroked slowly. When it was getting to be too much, Johnny grabbed his wrist and turned him, pushing him gently onto his hands and knees.

“Let me know if it hurts”, he kissed Taeyong’s back. He pressed the head of his erection against Taeyong’s hole.

The younger man moaned and tried pushing back, Johnny held him firmly and caressed his sides. He moved in slowly, stopping to let the other get used to the new intrusion. It was torture, but he refused to hurt Taeyong.

“Oh God”, Taeyong gasped as Johnny bottomed out. The dark-haired man groaned, adjusting his position, kneeling behind his boyfriend and grabbing his hips. “More, Youngho… oh oh oh…more”

He slammed Taeyong back against him as he thrust forward. The man under him let out a surprised yelp, fueling Johnny’s desire to make him cry out again and again. He started moving, gradually picking up his pace, pounding into Taeyong in earnest, the bed moving beneath them. He couldn’t deny how goddamn amazing it was to be inside him.

“Oh… oooh… yes”, Taeyong couldn’t keep quiet. Johnny sure hoped there wasn’t anybody else around their room.

He stopped and pulled out to flip Taeyong onto his back. After shoving a pillow under his lower back, Johnny bent to kiss him, one hand wrapping around the youngest’s member while he lined himself up with the other and pushed into him, drawing another surprised gasp from Taeyong. Johnny pulled his mouth away from Taeyong’s as he pounded him in earnest and jerked him off.

“Fuck, I love hearing you make those noises”, he groaned.

“huum… dirty…oooh… talking will… goddamnit yes… get you anywhere”, Taeyong said between moans and ragged breath.

“And you say I’m sassy”, Johnny slowly pulled out before snapping his hips, thrusting as deep as he could each time.

Shifting his position slightly, he pulled nearly all the way out before thrusting in deep. He proudly erased the smirk forming on the corner of Taeyong’s lips as the red-haired man cried out when Johnny hit the right spot. Taeyong’s jaw went slack and his eyes rolled back as he sank further into the mattress. All Johnny wanted was to hear him like this, hear those little moans of pleasure, his gasps, Johnny slowed down then sped up and hit home almost every passing. The sight of Taeyong giving himself completely to his ecstasy was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“That’s it,” he purred, leaning forward, his weight forcing him deep inside Taeyong. He released his hold on Taeyong’s length and moved Taeyong’s hand so he could take over. He gritted his teeth as he moved faster, his thrusts short but hard. “Oh, fuck. Taeyong…”, he trailed off feeling himself ready to tip over the edge.

“Baby”, Taeyong mewled as his hands flew over his erection. Johnny’s hips lost all their rhythm, his breath coming out ragged and the sweat dripping down his back as he lost control. His release built up and slammed into him just as Taeyong cried out, swamping his hand and painting his stomach.

Johnny took a few deep yet ragged breaths before pulling out and discarding the used condom. He took a wet towel from the bathroom and came back to Taeyong’s side, who could only lie there in a state of pure bliss and exhaustion as Johnny wiped the evidence of their rewarded lust.

“Hey”, he laid next to his boyfriend and kissed the tip of Taeyong’s nose as the other had his eyes closed, chest heaving with his still erratic breath. “How are you feeling?”

Taeyong rolled over and buried his face on Johnny’s neck. He lay half-on, half-off Johnny, his arm around his chest, holding him close. “Perfect”, he whispered.

“I love you, Tae”, Johnny nuzzled Taeyong’s temple, fingers tenderly stroking his arm.

“You already told me that”, he felt the other smile against his skin.

“And I plan to do it over and over again”, he was glad Taeil wasn’t here to hear him say that. Taeyong chuckled.

“I love you too”, was Taeyong’s sleepy response. Johnny kissed the top of his head and let himself drift off to sleep.

 

***

 

Considering how much had happened to them the last month, a couple of weeks full of job-related activities and prominent lack of sleep was a piece of cake. To Johnny’s chagrin, the day to say goodbye to the chaotic living arrangements had finally arrived. Sicheng and the dreamers were moving back to their own dorm a few blocks away and Ten was moving with them to accommodate the new additions to their group. Their family had just gotten bigger and a new subunit would debut shortly.

More than once Johnny had tried convincing people to file a petition to put them all together in a bigger house, just to be dissuaded by Taeyong with the best, most convincing argument of all. They could spend more time alone. Sleeping arrangements were being put up for debate with almost half of the household going back to the other dorm, and Taeil had proposed he switched places with Johnny.

“That would be great, but…”, Taeyong looked around the table at the other members, “we have just dodged a bullet a few weeks back. Aren’t we calling too much attention?”

“I really don’t wanna keep having to move in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep without your boyfriend”, Taeil scrunched his nose in mock disgust.

“You move because you want to, we haven’t done anything”, Johnny rolled his eyes at the eldest.

“Managers could barge in at any time, hyung”, Doyoung looked at them both wide-eyed.

“There is this thing we call locks, you know”, Yuta snorted.

“Jesus, stop assuming we are having sex every time we get together”, Taeyong was blushing.

“You aren’t and that is a problem”, Taeil wiggled his eyebrows.

“Hyuuung…”, Taeyong hid his face behind his palms.

There had been heavy teasing since that afternoon meeting with their managing team, something that told Johnny that his members were more than ok with how things have turned out between Taeyong and him. Even Doyoung had made an effort and it had been easier for him to get comfortable around them. They had talked, they listen to Doyoung’s apologies again. The boy had been raised to believe something and it was going to take some time in getting him to let go of all that, but he loved them both and he was coming to terms with their relationship.

It was easier now that their whole family knew what was going on. Not that they have changed much of their behavior, but just the fact that they didn’t have to sneak around the others made Taeyong happier. And if he was happy, Johnny was happy. They had their schedules together and apart. Taeyong releasing a duet with Ten would force them to be apart for longer, but he would have someone to talk to, lots of someones. The added silver-lining of the others moving back to their dorm was that Taeyong would take longer to realize they had three new members that had no idea the two of them were together.

“Why are you grinning like a fool, Johnny boy?”, Taeil punched his shoulder lightly.

“Nothing”, his grin grew wider.

“Sappy”, Taeil smiled.

“Yeah, maybe”, Johnny couldn’t help it. He pulled Taeyong closer and buried his face into the other’s hair.

“Everything ok?”, the younger man chuckled as he searched Johnny’s face. His hair was still drying, he didn’t have any make up on. His Taeyong.

“Everything is perfect”, Johnny kissed his forehead.

Taeyong squeezed his hand and leaned on his shoulder as they both looked around the table, most of their brothers lost in deep conversation. Taeyong understood, he knew Johnny better than the others by now. He knew how much he loved all of this more than anything they could get from the “Idol life”. It was going to be a long way to trail and it was probably not going to be easy. They would not have the privilege to a “normal relationship”, but which idol had it, really?

They were together and they were happy. That was all that mattered.

 

 

The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! We made it to the end. I always hated when people ended their fics on a sex scene, so I put the epilogue here. Thank you all for the kudos and the comments. I hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I did my best to not make things seem rushed, I hope it all reads well. 
> 
> Take a look at my other fics for more Taeyong/Johnny goodness.
> 
> See you around!


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